But im so fcuking awake now.. BOOO!
Since i cant sleep lets do a lil update. Its gonna be super random again!
I am just gonna pin down everything that comes to my mind haha..
Okay, the 'ever lasting' relationship of mine ended, it ended on the 23rd of April.
I wonder am i numb to it already? Cause not long after it happends i was msg-ing friend disucssing abt what to do at night. Went Neverland till the morning, FINALLY had my long waited Mac Breakfast Dex~ Went straight home after breakfast and KO-ed!
Oh Sat was Ferlynn's 21th birthday!
Woke up early afternoon slacked awhile, rushed through my assignment and out i went.
Headed over to Jimmy's house for mahjong session~ ^^ We started around 12mid night and ended around 10am! Gosh guess how many pok we played? 2 pok only! I was suprised that i sat through it without falling asleep~ But maybe sleep doesnt come easy for me.. Anway, after the mahjong session, went straight to TPY to meet up with my classmates~ Rushed through the assignment from 12pm till around 7pm. Woots! Managed to stay awake sia! Had dinner and cab-ed home. After washing up KO-ed almost straight away. But some toot toot ppl called me, ask me rubbish la! Therefore im blogging right now!!!
I know I know, there will be qns like 'HUH?!', ' WHY?!', 'SERIOUS?' blah blah blah so on and so on. The list just goes on and on la.. Everyone have a hunreds and one question but they dont dare to ask.. Haha.. Its like everyone is so careful around me.. As if one wrong word and i will explode on them.. Its kinda of fun seeing it, because i know it means they care! HAHA DONT U GUY CARE?! =x
Anyway, i don't deny that im sad, hurt, broken or whatever word u use la.. But what i can do about it? Don't ask me to strive or fight for my happiness, because i DID try! I really DID what i can for him. And of cause there are regrets la, my regret was that he didnt even really to try and put in even the slightest effort to change for a better nor make me happy. There are happy moments between us, but i guess he long forgo the happy moments he have with me. He has been flooded with newer happy moments of others. I have been push over the edge of his heart.. Was told that the feeling faded away, but who was the one to have let the feeling slide of out it? He told me he wanted time, but it sounded so selfish to me, he has always been the one asking for time to be alone and stuffs. If he wanted break, he should just say lets end it, i don't love u anymore or whatever la. Instead of saying a whole chuck of rubbish like " I know u are very good to me, but ur good makes me guility, i know i owe u alot, but i dont knw wad i want in life'
Well he said those stuffs to me, and it just piss me off la! arghs! Whats the point of knowing all these? Actions is louder than words~!
Im not gonna say stuffs like he is the bad guys im the good one, these just my feeling, be netural about it ppl..
Sleep doesnt come easy for me since ages ago, and now i dread the night more..
I dont deny i feel somehow loney and empty inside after all these.. I just hope I get better in time to comes. And the best was that he left me not only dangling by a line thread he even left the flu and cough bug! I have later on I hope it gets better!
And if this is the last fullstop and last page of our story, i wish that he will be able to find a better girl than me. Someone whom is able to tolerate his temper well, have the patiend to stay by him reminding him and taking care of him, someone whom is willing to love him more than i do, and someone whom is able to compromise and give in to him.. I aint perfect, i aint Ms-Know-Everything and Ms-Pretty and i was never close to his expectation of a perfect lover i guess.. But deep down i know at least i gave my last shot and tried my best already. I will continue to pray for him and his family. I gonna miss everyone in his family..
Side note i just realized its 26 of april, which actually marks 3yrs 11mths for our relationship if it didnt ended. It was so close toward the 4th year marks! Just 1 more month.. Haha..
Lastly, have to really thanks some dudes out there. They were so worried abt me when they heard the news of it, rushing here and there, taking time to keep me company, making sure im not alone cause they know im scare of loneliness. There is so much things u guys did. thanks thanks thanks! Beside thanks and a big hug i dont knw what else to say! Hearts~ <3
Okay, let it all out already! Gonna head back to my assignments le.. =)
And i cant wait for my Genting Trips!
Ohya! Party time~~~ =))
Ask me out for a drink, mahjong session and even slacking session~
My Immortal by Evanscence
I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears.
And if you have to leave, I wish you would just leave.
Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone.
These wounds won't seems to heal, this pain is just too real.
There is just too much that time cannot erase.
When you cried, I'd wiped away all of your tears.
When you'd screamed, I'd fight away all of your fears.
And I held your hand through all of these years.
But you still have all of me.
You used to captivate me by your resonating light.
Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind.
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams.
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me.
These wounds won't seems to heal, this pain is just too real.
There is just too much that time cannot erase.
When you cried, I'd wiped away all of your tears.
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears.
And I held your hand through all of these years.
But you still have all of me.
I have tried so hard to tell myself that you are gone.
But though you are still with me, I have been alone all along.
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears.
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears.
And I held your hand through all of these years.
But you still have all of me, me, me.
i wish i had the guts to walk away and forget about what we had.
But, i can't because i know you won't com e after me, and i guess that's what hurts the most.
When you remember how hard it is to change yourself, you begin to understand what little chance we have of changing others.
Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometime it is letting go.
i don't miss him, i miss who i thought he was.