曾经我将无助的爱情
静静枕在你的臂弯里
以为它将为我阻挡风雨
共我面对寂寞的潮汐
可是在你宽阔温暖的胸怀里
总是听到冷冷的叹息
你那不屑说谎的眼睛
始终教我自己回避
"也许已经不是爱 只是一种坚持的情怀
也许依然还有爱 也许是慢慢生长的悲哀"
最後还是一步一步慢慢向後退
不想你的拥抱都像在赎罪
哦不想你说爱我都在惭愧.

一条漫长路经已走到这里
走下去我就不再是我自己
然而望着你的背影
究竟我有勇气几许
回头去走那无尽无止的记忆
然而分离是否就拥有我自己
因为思念不是当年没有一丝牵挂的你
寂寞也不是最初的我自己

the top 2 is from hua..
the rest is wad i found in my doc..
been quite sometime since i rants abt quote.. =)
here's some.. enjoy..

他要走了 始终是要走了
于是 我告诉自己 要狠心点
不要理他 不要回他信息 不要接他的电话
但到最后 还是很不下心来 为什么？？
明知道 最终受伤的会是自己 偏偏还要裁进去
我已经失去了理智 就只是小小的理智 也没了。。。

我们总让在乎我们的人为自己哭泣；并总为那些永远不会我们的人哭泣
旦我们在意那些永远不会为我们哭泣的人
这是在於生命中的事实；奇怪但却真实
一旦你了解，改变永远不会太迟

学会承受
有些事情需要无声无息地忘记，经过一次，就长一次智慧；有些苦痛和烦恼得要默默地承受；历链一次；就丰富一次。这个年龄不该再像小时候那样大喊大叫， 痛哭流涕。

笑容不代表真的开心
流泪不代表真的伤心

或许你我可以以表情来隐藏自己真正的感受
或许你我可以以表情来表达自己真正的感受

或许你我可以毫不在乎的忘记那真正的感受
或许你我可以毫不掩饰的表达那真正的感受

不管要选择前者还是后者
那只不过是一个人生的小过程
只要懂得选择适当的发泄通道
才会让你我有勇气的走下去
meiping || 12:24 AM

MORNING!
am wide awake since 5am..
hmmm the last time i saw before i off my lights and comp is 11.40pm!
i slept dam early.. hahas..
but i woke up at 5am.. -.-!
no disturbance.. i just suddenly woke up, with my eyes wide open..
cool hur.. lolx..
anyway, had mj session on friday night.
this time round with baby, yl and hua..
at baby's house.. had 2 round..
lost $3.40.. =((
but its alot better compared to last mth i guess..
luck is slowly coming back to my side.. keke..
after mj ended ard 5am..
slept around 630am...
woke up ard 2pm by baby...
cabbed home... and nua....
met milo and hua at my house void deck...
thankful to them for always making such an effort..
really speechless for their effort.. <3
copied my sms... head for dinner ard 9pm..
and i cancel out on the drinking session again..
im so so so sorry guys..
im really that sleepy till i didnt hear my cell ring.. =p
in short piggy? lolx
the moment i bathe and dried my hair i fell aslp!
its was so fast.. hahas..

wasnt able to web-cam with sissy..
feel kinda of unease.. >.<
maybe its has grown on me.. become part of my daily stuff?
*big hugs to sissy*

am supposed to be heading down to jurong ltr on..
but guess not going already.. >.<
womens, the ever changing is unstoppable... lolx..

guys are never serious when they say they love u, nor miss u..
only one special one special guy...
he made me feel that he's words are the truth.. nothing hidden..
the kinda of security i get when he is around...
felt so well protected...
suddenly it sound like a father kind of role. hahas..
=p
thanks for all ur times.. hahas...

alright gonna try to get back to slp..
its only 7am.. =.=!
meiping || 6:41 AM

in a flash of light...
our relationship will be walking towards the 3rd year already...
everything seems to happen only yesterday..
went through so much happiness, sorrows and despair.
and like every other couple, we quarrel and patch up..
we do shit stuff and etc...
we cried.. so so so much stuffs...
i might not remember every single stuffs that we did...
but i do remember every effort u put in...
giving in to me, hoaxing me, loving me, caring me...
scolding me... all these...
its just so hard to believe...
3 yrs......
worth?
no idea...

recently mood have been quite moderate i guess..
just a couple of hrs of mood swings, due to PMS i guess.
other than that is =) de..
am learning to take thing lighter..
not letting some idiots destroy my day!

i just found out, i need to get a need webcam!
my old one lasted me for like 4yrs? and it finally broke down..
=(
another amount to be fork out...
mean time cant webcam with sissy already.. awww!
nevermind, i will try get one asap sissy!

auntie~ i need to do some shopping!
u see this? SHOPPING! LOL~

and thanks boyboy for driving me around sg to daze.. =x
thanks to huahua for the company <3~
thanks sissy jw for making an effort to wakes up early just to play camcam with me.. =))
thanks milo for the company too!
thanks auntie for the endless nags!
lolx~

another stuff...
i really ought to learn how to say "NO"
>.<
its killing me already....
sucking my well dry..
well, everyone have to account for their own action..
and i'm paying it.. -.-!
lend er jie $$ again... -.-!!
endless well....
i gonna have a drought soon i guess..
hahas..
and thats means home 24/7!
i better stock up my maggie mee, eggs, meatballs, chocolates and drinks when i still have abit of money!
if not i gonna stave to death during the morning and afternoon when im home alone... >.<
meiping || 2:20 AM

sian 1/2!!
really turn off...
im supposed to be quite loaded this month..
nt really that loaded, i mean, should have abit of extra money to do some personal shopping!
even thought i bought baby the NDS..
coz baby, returning me the chalet money ($250), and an extra $100 coz during the chalet he spent all his cash, heng used mine..
so $350 and another maybe $100 from someone..
was thinking WA! this month maybe can do some shopping, buy shoes, bag all these..
cause school is starting, need get a bigger bag, need a new pair of slipper or shoe too..
and my jean gt a hole! need get a couple pair of jeans too..
now.... KNS! im broke..
lend er jie $200.. -.-
this sucks... dam fking sucks..
and so many people birthday are coming... =((
when i can top up my personal stuffs..
sucks!
pui!
meiping || 12:42 AM

ding ding dong ding ding dong~
everything up and down... up and down...
back and fro , back and fro..
fucking sick of it..
arghs..
nonono! cannot be like tt!
must move forward!! go go go~ must keep on going on..

hais.. i don't know already...
don't want to know so much too...
what will be will be, what will not be, will never be...
i really felt like breakdown now...
cry like there is no tml...
unfairness...
i wish this kind of mood swing can pass by soon..
moody period... =.=
but im not having my PMS why am i having such mood swing?
rain rain go away~
never come again!!
sunshine come again!!

i shall be staying home the next few day ba..
budget budget budget...
this month spent 290buck on baby's NDS and 250buck on the chalet..
not alone this two but... this two is enough to burn a dam big whole..
=((
meiping || 9:29 PM

钟晓玉 回到原点


卸妆 by 钟晓玉


歌手：罗豪 曲名：终于了解


sometime i really don't know what i want..
hahas..
its like im playing a joke on myself..
im a clown myself...
stupid clown...
=))
meiping || 4:49 PM

there are so many time in life that hw i wish i was a boy!
no restriction from parents..
dont need be home by this time, can stay out without reason..
all these kinda of shit.. =(
sometime i envy those girls whom parents allow them to go chiong, go pub, stay out late, dont go home all these..
end of the day i always have to trouble my friends to come down my area to find me..
they might nt say, but i knw its tiring.. >.<
and i feel bad too, always make them do the traveling..
when can i really get my unlimited freedom!
i turning 21 already...
this is getting bored...

*bang* *dead*
meiping || 8:48 PM

rant rant rant!



lets start with 2nd of april!

=)

1st day of chalet!

suppose to wake up at 830 and meet baby at 930 at amk hub..

but both of us overslept!

woke up at 10!!

faster prepared everything.. lucky i pack my bag the night before..

baby came over to fetch me in cab, went amk hub..

walked around looking for stuff to get for the chalet..

he bought a set of MJ tiles from the shop.. 50 buck =.=!

anyway waited for hua to come..

then met baby's fren.. he drove us down to the chalet..

fetched daddy coz the chalet is under his name..

collected the keys, put the stuff in the chalet, then we took baby's fren cab out..

went for lunch... then went tampines to fetch laoeh..

went to sheng song..

shopping for the bbq! spent around 250 bucks.

went back to the chalet.. had a short rest.. there we go!

MJ starts! >.<

kept playing and playing, milo and fish came half way, then xiaoling and tiantian came too, cont with the MJ!

we just kept playing MJ non-stop!

finally my sai sai xf came too!

hahas, which means MJ again!! zzzz

nv seems to be able to leave the mj table..

had so many round of mj till i lost count of the winning and lost.. lolx..

didnt slp at all.. mj till the sun rise~

count MJ when laoeh wakes up.. =.=! see its all about mj and mj and mj!

oh they had a mini bbq on the 1st night.. =))

3rd april!

baby's bday!! =))

keke!

this the 2nd yr tt im celebrating baby's bday with him! <3~

lucky everything went well, didnt really flare up.. managed to keep my cool...

phew~

tiantian received news tt her fren was in hosp, hence she and xiaoling went off 1st..

around late afetrnoon managed to nap a few hrs, and im up and preparing the bbq stuff.. >.
milo and fish went off 1st coz milo had some family prob..

agnes came.. follow by alfie and co..

one by one slowly all baby's fren came..

more n more ppl.. >.< not all tt im close with.. hahas.

so we start MJ again with my co. of frens.

ling and bf came too.. keke!

mj time~~

baby was busy hosting his guest, and im busy too!

busy playing mj with my frends. lolx.

baby and co. did the bbq~ didn really eat much.. but still nt bad.. =))

before the clock strike 12, they sang bday song and baby cut the cake..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANTONIO BABY! =))

bought a white NDS for baby.. lucky he likes it...

it would be bday present + 3rd ann present * if we ever makes it thru the 3rd ann* =p

after the bbq, we had MJ again.. =.=!

by the time baby's fren has all left for home..

we took turn to play MJ coz too many ka!

so i went around and pack the room..

like a maid =.=!

i seriously felt like a maid.. =.=!!!

nvm... everyone happy , most imt is baby happy can already! =)

play MJ till the morning.. xf and hua went for a short nap before checking out..

baby, laoeh and me cont.. we played daidee, loser drink coke..

omg i guess i drank a whole bottle of coke down!! >.<

WHITE FLAG nor!!

laoeh went for a nap after the daidee..

pack up the place.. threw the rubbish out..

finally its done, and there end our 3d2n chalet..

check out and took a cab back to baby's home..

str KO!

till around 7pm++

baby order pizzahut...

aftermaths was SCV all the way..

3am plus went home to bath, change and put my bag..

went down to BQ..

met up with my usual co.

drink drank sleep this time.. lolx..

too tired, fell aslp.. =p

woke up and boy send me back to baby's house..



thats all that i remember.. =)

hope i didnt let lose any stuffs..



=)



thanks for the company... =))


meiping || 6:36 PM

changing changing...
its changing...
can u feel it?
i felt it coming.....
one fine day , kaboom... everything gonna explode....
hahahaha...
one fine day.....

dusk has fallen..
one day i will fall too..
and i will be like the sunrise..
be strong again and stand up on my own feet..
meiping || 1:17 AM

im back from malaysia. =)

sat morning took mini bus back to malaysia..

miss xiaogua sooo much! =)

sunday morning went for tomb sweeping..

time flies... so fast it has already been almost 7months already...

=/

took the mini bus back to sg in the afternoon...



monday slept through the whole day...

not really those kind of nice long sleep..

so much disturbance during the sleep!

didnt want to wake up at 1st.. but my stomach was calling out for food..

>
bought roti prata , not nice! >
waste of money... =((



so much i wanna rant so much i wan say..

but no words is able to express what im feeling right now...

speechless, wordless....



im not looking forward to 2nd of april at all..

not at all looking forward for it.......


meiping || 11:17 PM

just had a nice hot bathe! =)
stayed home for the past few days..
im a daddy girl okay! lalalala~
didn't stay out late for the past 1 week, promised daddy! >tuesday had the sudden urge of not staying at home!
so i bathe and prepare myself, grab my clothes and out i went!
in record time i guess. hahas!
met xf and hua at bishan mrt.
took mrt down to woodland, went laoeh hus for MJ!
baby came over to join us after work...
really OMFG sia.. March doesn't seems like a good month for me to gamble!
every MJ session i can lost till totally no chip left tt kind of stuff..
=.=!
after MJ, xf treated us to breakfast~ big winner!!!
cab back to baby house...
slack at his house for the whole day, had pizzahut for dinner once again.. =.=!
cab home, after 15min went out to meet hua and baby again.. lolx..
ji power yi xia xia sia~

RANTING! - no comments needed - =))
just read and understand ba...
after all, only close friends know this blog...
i know u guys cares and will comment..
but maybe not now ba... just feel like ranting, and ranting..
endless ranting...

Hmmmm... Nowaday don't know which wind the sky is blowing..
friends around me are like talking about settling down stuff..
especially this month, not only once and twice that friends are asking me stuffs like, 'eh u and him so long when marry?' or ' wah, u two so gd tgt for so long le'
all these kind of stuffs. =.=!
whenever i hear these kind of comments i will sian 1/2..
don't why, in fact i should be happy about it..
but no, im not... no idea why...
to me, i have never thought of settling down at this age, at least not so young...
at least i must finish my degree and get a job first..
before settle down this kind of thing cross my mind..
seriously, not now ba....
maybe a couple of years more...
but i have a strong feeling, maybe even after a couple of years, settle down will not cross my mind...
doesn't have any faith in marriage stuff... =.=!
marriage is like a death cert! =P
keke~

*edited* =))
recently, i have been going to sleep by staring at pictures...
some pictures which bring back so much memories...
i actually made a slide show, and kept repeating it, letting it play again and again till i fall asleep..
each picture portray a special memory to me..
and i kept thinking, will i have the chance to go through it once again...
will i? once picture for sure... will never be able to happen again...
imu popo~ missing u so much........
praying for a ray of light to shine through my life... guiding me the right path... =))

edited , 3rd time.. hahas...
do i seriously have so so so much to rant?
goodness sia..
recently, i have also been pondering about another stuff..
why am i such a dumbass?
always choosing to believe in wrong people..
why am i such a idiot?
always choosing to put myself so deep in everything i do?
why am i such a fool?
always letting myself get hurt?
why am i such a pain in the ass?
always letting people whom cares and love me to get worried and tear for me?
why am i such a bad person?
always the middle person to every conflict or the person who cause a conflict?
in life there are soo soo soo many WHY...
but not everyone manage to find out the answer after WHY...
will i be able to find out my answers for my WHY?

i never really thoughts about these qns until u came by again...
are u still worth my trust?
u were the one whom taught me the reality of this world..
that no one can be trusted 101%...
u were the first person whom betray me.....
the first person whom hurt me among friends, u hurt me more then my first love....
after so many years, u kept coming back, but i found out i can no longer trust u like before already......
everytime u sms me, asking me out, i no longer pin for the time to come.
i longer have the feeling that i can share every thing with u...
its like u are just a friend, just a very normal friend..
i don't set my old blog title for nothing...
' nothing will be the same again '

"Every single one of us is a monster. We're insensitive and selfish. Nobody is perfect. But to maintain any sort of sanity we hold on to things that make us feel worthy of life, worthy of happiness, worthy of anything. All of us do this."
meiping || 12:52 AM

i starting to feel i am not a normal human already.
-.-!
i am able to stay awake for 2 whole day even though i am on medication which will cause sleepiness!
totally no feeling of sleepy...
this don't feel normal to me.. lolx.
i need need need to get my normal sleeping hours back~
seems like it has long ran away from me....
far far away in neverland..

its like finally, sun shines after the rain..
rainbows.. =)
starting to feel the clear blue sky already...
bits by bits the grey misty cloud is disappearing..
its a good thing.. lessen a burden, tts one step closer to success..
wish me the best of luck!
i will keep in mind what u said that day 'always here, always there'..
the same goes for u, ' always there, always here '

and goodness, i overdosed my cough medic.
i should consume 10ml, but one gulp down i drink 25ml!
LOL!
and im still not feeling sleepy yet.. goodness...
turning in for the night..
im not sleepy, but my body need the sleep... =)
cia0s....
meiping || 1:33 AM

im sick.. =(
don't like the feeling of being sick and weak..
felt like i was a kid, defend wall are all brought down..
i was so sick that i cried..
i yearn so much for my parents care and concern.
but i got none..
i cried myself to sleep, woke myself up with tears and cried myself to sleep again.
anyway went to the doc yst.
throat infection + slight flu.
everything is okay, lucky there is no fever..
but but but, after i have seen the doc, took the medic,
i felt feverish all over my body. -.-!
reached home and KO.
woke up in the morning at 7am!
is bloody hell de early sia. lolx.
anyway, met baby for breakfast.
and met milo n co at ssdc.
didnt want to go home..

被压得喘不过气。。
有点快要窒息的感觉。。
好烦啊！
好讨厌这样的我，讨厌这样的家，讨厌这样的感觉。
厌倦要带着微笑面具的每一天。
好像找个没有人的地方，好好的静一静。。
累了。。。
有时候真的想痛快的哭。
像小时候，像个娃娃。。。就是哭。。。不停的哭。。。

nothing is forever..
don't promise give me anymore promises.
all i get in return is not the promises being kept,
but instead the promises being destroy...
family is like that,
so is boyfriend and friends..
stuck thumb LANLAN liao..
meiping || 11:38 PM

missed so many days of blogging already.. >.<

as usual can't really remember all the stuffs that i did.

i remembered sat hua hua went JB with me.

met up with ahpa, ahma, er jie and xiaogua!

<3~

hua's the only friend so far that met them. hahas. honored ba!

once in a blue moon chance~

anyway, we roam around JB. ate ate lunch and dinner there.

JAM JAM JAM! thats wad i rem! lolx.

after we came back from JB, went back bishan.

met up with ling.

no feeling of home....

hence we had majong~

lost lost lost~ =(

after mj went home..

str KO!

was sleeping for almost the whole day.. lolx.

woke up for dinner and i went back for sleep again~



monday,

baby took off on monday..

supposed to go down PS to pay for my school fee..

but overslept! raining~ nicer weather ya..

cab over to baby's house.

was watching scv most of the time.

had pizzahut for dinner..

back to scv again...

home sweet home around 12.



tuesday,

plan was to wake up ard 9, meet baby at 10.

lobang his cab down town..

but i overslept! >.
finally woke up around 12.

keke. nua on bed..

around 1 bathe and cab down to PS.

met hua~

finally made payment for my school fee...

had long john for lunch..

took mrt down to woodland.

met up with milo and fish.

cab over to laoeh's house.

played majong again..

once again, lost lost lost...

one word.. 忍!

cab back home before 12..

promised daddy to be a good girl..

no ton-ing of night this week!





slowly, bits by bits, changing my sleeping time...

improving i guess...

at least its not 7am in the morning.

cutting down on sleeping pills..

cutting down on medication intakes.

beside that im also cutting down on cigt...

mentally prepared for the deal...... =)

*jiayou*



i seriously want to settle down, set my heart..

focus and study...

im not studying only for myself, but also for my family...

no more playing a fool around in school..

this time round its just me....

i need to tame down...

no more endless drinking night..

no more endless ton-ing night..



* throat nt feeling too well *
meiping || 1:01 AM

went IT show yesterday.
waited for baby to finish work around 6pm.
bathed and cab down to suntec to meet baby.
met up with milo and fish for awhile.
aftermath saw tian tian and co.
waited for hua to come.
walked around 4th floor, coz baby intend to get a new laptop.
aftermath went 6th floor.
bought 1T hdd for $159.90.
had dinner at tony roma. wonder if i get the spelling right.
anyway, cab back to bishan, met xuefen.
played majong till morning wee.
went home around 12pm.
hmmm.. met up with hua and xf again.
had dinner, met up with yl and yanfen.
sit sit chat chat.
left for arcade.
argh. bloody piece of shit nor. Bishan arcade crews have no manner at all. ARGH!
pekcek arr~ knn! pui her!
anyway, went bishanpark to find boy and co.
sit sit chat chat again.
=)

cant wait to see xiaogua tml! =)
<3~
meiping || 3:00 AM

had a fun night last night.
met boy, bb n bb's bf after their drinking session.
im good! i didnt join them for the drinking.
joined them for supper.
after supper all of use went over to boy's hus to rest.
awww~ fun chasing guys off bed! LOL!
ps - bb is sooo nice to hug! knew her for soo many yr, but this the first time i hug her to bed~ *shy* but love love love it! the sense of security! LOL! so dam nice to hug! even nicer then my baobao~ keke~
kinda of addicted to it already. this morning when she woke up, i was acting pestering her to take off and let me hug~ LOL!
anyway, bb and bf left for work early in the morning.
followed by boy.
had a hearty breakfast at his house. <3 his maid!
next time if i get a maid i wanna get one tt cooks like his maid sia!
omg nice nice! <3~
aftermath cab home to bath and change.
bought lunch for baby.
met hua for sushi at bishan j8.
walk around j8 after hua went for work.
-.-
hate it.. boring...
somehow i have the urge to grab his psp and throw it into the bin!
argh! never keep his words de! fk him!
he took 54 to send me home before heading down to meet with xiaoling.
going drinking. sai him!
didnt go straight home..
went to the nearby park and playground. sat there for an hour before heading home...
ask i listen to the songs playing in the background tears well up my eyes, and before i know it, it was flowing.. ><
went home after i had cooled down..
and best sia! War World 3 at home...
all i hear is nag nag nag , scold scold scold.
no peace at all.. where in the world am i able to find peacefulness?
sigh

why do human always chooses path that hurt them the most.
why do human have the courage to brave through that path, instead of letting it go.
why do tear wells up so easily whenever im with him?
if only u could read my mind... to see the hurts i get from u..

argh~
im just so not myself when it comes to relationship stuff~
why why why~
why like tt?
why so serious?
><
other than relationship im able to make most of my choice firmly and hold on to it.
but when it comes to relationship i feel that im on a sampan boat, shaking endlessly from left to right, right to left..
am i really that weak?
why am i so weak~
sigh...

*bang wall*
*dead*

Strength is nothing more then how you hide the pain

I`m not gonna to write you a poem or tell you
how much i miss you because words can mean
nothing. But when you see the tears streaming
down my face, hopefully you`ll understand.

You'll never know how strong you are
Until being strong in the only choice you have.

This is the way I see it Good friends
offer to help in a crisis. Great friends
don't take no for an answer.

There's a huge difference between giving up
and letting go Giving up is sacrificing what
was rightfully yours, and letting go is forgetting what never was.

I've learned you can never expect anything from anyone, no matter who it is. the second you expect something from someone, you're setting yourself up for heartbreak.

With friendship it doesn't matter how long
you've known each other, or how many fights
you got into. what matters is who said "i'll be
there for you" and who proved it.

meiping || 10:06 PM

Love today weather! =)
woke up around 9am, but laze on the bed for hours.
awww~ love the feeling of hiding under my cosy blanket~
nicenice!
met hua for late lunch ( early dinner )
aftermath she went for work while i roam around j8 while waiting for god papa.
he came to fetch me down hougang. BB and ada was there already.
settled some stuffs and god papa drove me home!
im really starting the avoiding plot..
arghs!
anyway met baby and hua for late dinner ( early supper )

side note, i just found out that i dropped my earring!
its not just one side, is both side of my earring.
argh! why am i so careless sia. wtf..
its not just the price of the earring but also the meaning behind it. >.<
couldn't find it anywhere. ARHG!
*bang wall*

why am i so shaky on my decision..
hais...
i know if i really choose him over baby. i will have regret.
but i dont knw what the regret will but.. just a 6th sense.
maybe i'm just too softhearted.. too easily touched..
99.9% of the guys treats girls like princess during courtship.
* stay firm! *
meiping || 12:39 AM

ended up im blogging here..
so much stuff that i feel like blogging.
but i cant.
after all im selfish...
all my words gonna hurt people.. im so sorry..
i never mend to hurt anyone.
especially my loves one..
im a typical Gemini.
so typical...

somehow im so tired out by all the masks...
let me have a break...

why do love have to be so complicated?
why can't love be simple and sweet?
don't happiness last?
why do happiness only last for such a short period of time only.
why there are no time machine in this world?
can any genius invent one?
please please please~
argh~
there is no 'if only'....

confusion...
meiping || 9:11 AM

there is no physical distance between lover, friends and family..
the only distance is the distance in the heart..
no matter where i am, or where u are, we are close together as one..
in my heart... =)

i'm tired out.
applying official leave for this blog and myself. =)
have a break, have a kitkat..
i will be back soon...
( i hope so )

<3 all~
meiping || 9:08 AM

There are places I'll remember
All my life though some have changed.
Some forever not for better,
Some have gone and some remain.
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall.
Some are dead and some are living,
In my life I've loved them all.

Sometimes we don't see certain things
until we're ready to see them
in a certain way.

I believe that everything happens for a reason.
People change so that you can learn to let go,
things go wrong so that you can appreciate them
when they're right,
you believe less so you eventually learn to trust no one
but yourself,
and sometimes good things fall apart
so better things can fall together.


Too often,
the thing you want most is the one thing you can't have.
Desire leaves us heartbroken,
it wears us out.
Desire can wreck your life.
But as tough as wanting something can be.
The people who suffer the most,
are those who don't know what they want.

i totally couldn't remember what i did on each day.
lol, i really have a bad memory!
pardon me...
i only remember i had steamboat.
had ktv and ktv and ktv endless!
then went drinking~
walked in the rain~
=)
so sick of those idiot, childish peoples...
childish thinking too.. =.=
its already 2009, stop talking about gangster stuff for god sakes.
it is really LMAO lo!
lolx.

not meant to be is not meant to be...
never gonna happened....
yorrs yob...
meiping || 5:24 AM

aww..
so much stuff u did for me...
im not blind.. i can see and feel all the effort u put in.
all the late night chatting, late night slacking.
and all the late night drinking..
ur company really brighten my day.
thanks so much for the time u spent on me.
thanks so much for the amount of money u spent too.
we are not an item, yet u behave like such a dear bf to me.
u dont even care about it too...
u dont seem to care about other stuffs beside me.
i really love the feeling~
the feeling of being loved care and concern..
stop pampering so much..
im scare that i will be moved by ur effort..
i cannot.... i really cannot affort that....
sorry for being unable to accept u...
sorry for being so heartless....
forgive me.... <3
meiping || 2:51 PM

confusion...





gone............................
meiping || 7:25 AM

True friends,
true hearts.
That's all you really need in life.

<3 KJMHAJXYK
the love of my life....KJMHAJXYK..
never wanting to be parted from them...
any single of them....
i wanna be selfish, keep them in my life till my last heart beat...
my love, my life...
no matter how bad they treats me, how much they hurt me...
no matter how deep they love, care and concern for me..
i want them be by my side.. and i want to be by their side..
=)

boy,
thanks for the stuff u did. =)
thanks for the effort u put in..
thanks for ur care, love and concern..
thanks boy, for being my friend...
always there, always here..
i will remember it in my heart..

for u, for me, for everyone.. =)
u knw who u r...

She's finally accepted the changes
& realizing nothing
can be the same anymore
but she's keeping her strength up
& she's willing to
try her best to never look back.

Love hurts. Boys lie.
Friends cry. People die.
Parents yell. You always try.
You're never good enough,
And you don't know why.

Smile.
Let everyone know that today
you're a lot stronger than
you were yesterday.

She says she's fine, but shes going insane.
She says she feels good, but she's in a lot of pain.
She says its nothing, but its really a lot.
She says she's okay, but really she's not.

she has those SiLlY qUoTeS in her
profile that he`ll never know they
are always about him.

sometimes the things you complain about
are the things you care about most.
unfortunately, you dont always know that
before its too late.

I have learned now that while those
who speak about one's miseries usually hurt,
those who keep silent hurt more.

Sooner or later people are going to start asking questions,
and you know what happens
when people start asking questions.
we become liars.

real tears are not those that fall
from your eyes and cover your face,
but those that fall from your heart,
and cover your soul

One of the hardest moments in life is
deciding whether you should give up or try harder.
meiping || 1:06 AM

they say 隔墙有耳, but i feels that in the internet world it is, 隔blog有眼..
some stuffs just cannot be blog out truthfully.
i have so so so much stuffs that i wanted to blog out..
in fact i almost post the entry...
but...
有所保留...
hence deleted it..

intend to go ice-skating today with baby n co.
but end up the place was close..
therefore went bowling..
aftermath had dinner at yishun..
slack around yishun till 11pm.
baby sent me home...
thanks for the company once again... =)

just a phone call and 10 over missed calls, right away everything changed...
not blaming u..but still, thanks for the effort..

i'm tired... not physically, but mentally and emotionally...
how i hope it would rather be physical tiredness.
just plenty of sleep and everything will be back to normal...

need a night alone...
ps - i'm alright...

*edited*
一刻心哺嗵哺嗵的跳.
哺嗵哺嗵哺嗵...不停的跳...
心也不停不停的在痛...
痛的当而心也感到酸柳柳和甜丝丝的..
不同人的陪伴不同的感觉..
meiping || 1:12 AM

一个人撑伞，一个人擦泪，一个人好累。。

愚笨的人，说想说的话；聪明的人，说该说的话。。

永远不需要向任何人解释你自己
因为喜欢你的人不需要
而不喜欢你的人不会相信

别让某人成为你生命中的优先
当你是使他们生命中的一个选择时
人与人之间的关系旨在彼此达到平衡时；运作的最恰当。

我们总让在乎我们的人为自己哭泣；并总为那些永远不会我们的人哭泣
旦我们在意那些永远不会为我们哭泣的人
这是在於生命中的事实；奇怪但却真实
一旦你了解，改变永远不会太迟。

别在喜悦时许下承诺
别在忧伤时作出回答
别在愤怒时下决定
三思而后行，做出贤智的行为

STM i forgot what i did.
but, i wanna thanks hua and milo... =)
i am more of a words people.
more of a blog people,
more of a sms people,
but i do still says out when times come.
anyway, this wont be easy saying out face to face.
coz i knw i can make the whole room crys with me again..
once i trigger it , hard to stop the tap. lolx.
so here pin it down easier for all of us.
谢谢！=）
meiping || 2:01 AM

it has almost been 6mth already...
6mth, time flies, so fast its already 6mth.
6mth ago, the last time i saw u.
6mth ago, the last time i hug and kiss u.
6mth ago, the last time i heard ur voice.
6mth ago, the last time i feel u.
6mth ago, the last time i said i love u to u.
6mth ago, the last time u said u love me.
6mth ago, the last time u sayang me.
6mth ago, the last time i heard ur nag.
6mth ago.....
6mth ago..... 6mth ago......
they say time will heals the wound..
time will let everything fade..
but its nt fading at all, its nt healing at all...
why am i still wetting my pillow every time i think about u.
why am i still shedding tears..
i hate the feeling of being so weak...
hw many 6mth will i have to go thru to really heal the wound.
all i can do now is to stare at the photos....
photos are all im left with.....
but why am i so stupid to trust such imt hdd to others.
now im left with nothing.........
not even photos...
i hate myself....
why am i always trusting the wrong person...
why am i so stupid.....

-long lonely night-
meiping || 2:31 AM

Belated happy Vday to everyone. =)
hope everyone enjoyed their vday, be it being with their bf/gf or friends.
for what i know, not everyone was having a very happy vday.
doesn't have the right atmosphere and feeling..
anyway, vday afternoon met up with milo, hua and xiaoyun.
had dinner at KSL, xy was craving for the famous chicken rice.
ron join us after lunch..
chit chat abit and off he went to meet his wife-to-be.
the rest of roam around j8...
><
sit sat sit sat~ chit chat chit chat~
baby came to find us.
xiaoyun n milo went off earlier..
went down to pub to find kelly and co.
baby open a bottle for us to drink. =)
keke! save $$~
went back to baby's hus ard 2am...
zzzZZZzzz~

hmmm.. woke up around 12pm...
had lunch before baby sent me home..
took a long afternoon nap..
woke up with house full of peoples..
*noisy*
prepare and cab down to find hua.
help her do a bit of doc. ><
mistakes here n there. ><
had supper with baby.
and he sent me home..

have a follow up check up next week.
am finishing the medication soon. =)
i finished my sleeping pills already. ><

am feeling so emotional these few weeks..
someone pls do crazy stuff with me.
bring my mood to the highest peck~ XD
lets have fun!
if not lets go drinking!!!
drink drank drunk~ MUHAHAS!
meiping || 3:25 AM

=)
我来也！update update 一下！
其实也没有什么好update的啦。。。
只是刚好在网上看到了一些句话，所以想把它记录下来。
我们一起分享吧！

有些事，我们明知道是错的，也要去坚持，因为不甘心；有些人，我们明知道是爱的，也要去放弃，因为没结局；有时候，我们明知道没路了，却还在前行，因为习惯了。

那些已经犯过的错误，有一些是因为来不及，有一些是因为刻意躲避，更多的时候是茫然地站到了一边。我们就这样错了一次又一次，却从不晓得从中汲取教训，做一些反省。

你不知道我在想你，是因为你不爱我，我明明知道你不想我，却还爱你，是因为我太傻。也许有时候，逃避不是因为害怕去面对什么，而是在等待什么。

如果背叛是一种勇气，那么接受背叛则需要一种更大的勇气。前者只需要有足够的勇敢就可以，又或许只是一时冲动，而后者考验的却是宽容的程度，绝非冲动那么简单，需要的唯有时间。

人最大的困难是认识自己，最容易的也是认识自己。很多时候，我们认不清自己，只因为我们把自己放在了一个错误的位置，给了自己一个错觉。所以，不怕前路坎坷，只怕从一开始就走错了方向。

真正的好朋友，并不是在一起就有聊不完的话题，而是在一起　就算不说话，也不会感到尴尬.

在那

微微细雨的

夜晚

复杂的思绪

让我辗转难眠

是你们用

关怀的
话语
细细的
传到我耳里
这温柔的
对待
满满的包围
着我
让我好感动
也

好幸福

感谢你们的好


暂时就那么多吧！
meiping || 2:15 AM

mi corazón se desgarre ...

sissy jiewei, miss u much much...
i really do, hw i wish i can fly straight to NY to find u.
cuddle myself into ur warm arms.
and feel that im still loved.
i seriously need u now, my soul mate....
i might sound abit crazy, but i miss u scolding me.
i miss crying in on ur shoulder..
i just miss everything about u...
sighs..
if only u were him....
if only he would listen to me like u do...
understand me and love me...
sigh... =/

i must be the stupidest girl in the world.
cling on to such a relationship.
letting it hurt me so much...
i wish there is such a potion that could make ones forget everything...
every painful memories...

So how can you expect me to just close my eyes and forget your mistakes? Defending you gets harder every day.

Because for me, it’s always been you … always. And I’ve tried to fight it and I’ve tried to deny it, but I can’t – you’re undeniable. ~

What kills me is to know that I’m wasting my time … and yet still can’t let go.

We're just holding on to nothing to see how long nothing lasts.
meiping || 1:09 AM

el dolor físico no es nada en comparación con el dolor emocional.
cómo deseo la muerte me encuentre pronto y me libre de todos los dolores.
meiping || 11:00 PM

im back in sg on last friday afternoon.
everything been great i guess?
cant ask for more. just happiness for my family.
=)
its was crazy.. total craziness!
was drinking almost every single day when im back! XD
drink drank drunk~
such a hard to come by chance!
doesnt need worry abt going home nor money.
just drink to the heart content.
but the craziness went a bit to over, nt to worry everyone still fine!
even after the incident happened, we still kept drinking the very next day.
lets party till the sunrise!

this yr angbao money supper little. =.=!
so little till there is no point to count it. lol.
anyway beside drinking were gambling!
i lost 600 at daidee and won 700 at majong.
lucky majong won abit arbo i will be in debts le. lol.

hmmm.. friday met hua and co for movie, the wedding game.
hmmm.. sat met hua, went punggol jetty.
hmmm.. sun, after baby off work, went prawning with his friends.
after prawning went hougang plaza for pools n billard.
hmmm.. mon, kristy fetch me from my hus for sgh check up.
sad to say im down with Gastric Ulcer / Stomach Ulcer. =((
so sian..... why so suay! >
argh!
tml meet kristy again.
mini tuan yuan fan with her family.

what past is past...
let begone begone..

meiping || 8:29 PM

hmmm some one asked me.
whats the meaning of trepidation.
here it goes.
- fearful uncertainty, anxiety -
don't u feel that life is always full of uncertainty?
at least to me, it does feel this way. =)
got the word from a book that i read sometime ago.
earlier on talked on the phone with jiewei, after so long!
even we web-cam and video call each other on msn.
but its still different!
argh hearing ur voice make me miss u even more.
=) my sweet sweet sissy jiewei!

met baby in the morning for lunch.
aftermath met kristy for some shopping.
=)
after all the tiring walks we settled down at goodwood park hotel
for a break.
as we were chatting she suddenly prop a qns out.
" what would u do if u can turn the time back "
then before i could ans, aunty kristy starting her speech.
she was saying if can, i wont get married, but i will bring dar to the world.
biggest regret she said was to get married and get tied down by so many rules.
sissy, dar still small, think for him, we all know whats the feeling of growing up in an incomplete family. dont let dar go thru what we have gone thru. =)
be strong. kelvin aint that bad. at least he is faithful to u and dar. cheers~!
as for me, of coz it would be good if there are such thing as time travel.
but its just a fairytale.

suddenly i miss tingy, kovan and zai so much.
=)
the ones that kept me in the straight path.
the ones that knows my darkest weakness.
the ones that i can trust my life with.
where are they now?
nowhere to be found.
leaving for good and leaving only memories behind.
im still waiting...
and i will wait... XD

am going back msia tml!
740 train. kristy say she wil try to wake up and drive me there.
so did jovan. but i knw them too well,
its a 101% that they will oversleep! =P

anyway lets wish everyone a happy chinese new yr in advance! =)

错过的就让它过去吧。
时间是不会逆转的。
meiping || 6:03 PM

=) $$$$$
woke up in the morning today.
met baby for breakfast + lunch.
aftermath cab over to simei to find my aunt.
gotta help her bring cash back to msia.
before the cny is even here, my papa and uncle already recieve like 500 buck of angbao.
=(
life so unfair!
why i dont have?
1/2 of the amount also nt bad ma. lol.
anyway, jovan came to simei to fetch me.
went to slack at coffeeclub.
waited for ck's msg / call.
but none! he didn even reply my sms! argh!
i need my HDD back man. wanna xfer some psp games and update my songs. =(
hais.

thanks for the company and treat my mrJ
lol
=)
meiping || 1:52 AM

Hmmm, dad flew to London on the 16th of jan.
and would only be back on the 1st day of cny.
was home alone for the past couple of days.
mom went over aunt house to sleep. =/
home alone is great. =) *peaceful*

Let see, hmmm..........
i remembered meeting jovan for a drink.
at first it was only two of us, couldn't find other cause it was too last minute. =/
went down to BQ, lucky us, met another 3 friends at the pub.
so ended up with 5 of us drinking 2 bottle. is it alot? o.0 5ppl 2bottle.
should be reasonable right.
anyway, witness a quarrel at the pub.
2 auntie fighting over for a uncle!
were actually betting with them, which side will win.
loser gotta open the 3rd open! but wasted the police came. =(
lol. we earned a bottle! hurhur all thanks for ahwei for the idea. lol.
after the police came we switch over to another pub.
aftermath had breakfast at the prata house and they sent me home.
=)
been nice being able to meet up with u guys after such a long time.
thanks!

the other day went out with kristy dajie and jovan.
they bought me 3 top. thanks. =)
i remembered i lost 100 buck cash on tt day too. sadd =((

anyway! yst was xf off!
met her around 4, after she reborn her hair. =)
wanted to reborn too, but budget budget. next time ba. =/
with this length i think it would cost at least 200 buck!
she wanted to buy hp, but couldn't decide on which phone to get.
end up didnt buy. lol.
walked around j8, then cab down to liang court.
met hua der. sang till 10.
waited for baby to knock off.
had supper at the "streets"
and home sweet home. =)

been webcam-ing with jiewei for weeks through out the night.
i couldn't sleep at all.
been having all sort of nightmares recently.
thanks for keeping me company. =)
i don't knw what i would be doing if im nt webcam-ing with u.
at least u kept my mind off some stuff.
i felt so stressed, and im nt sure what im stressing over.
just bits and pieces of this and that.
i felt out of breath sometime.
went to see the doc earlier on with kristy.
doc gave me sleeping pills.
im glad she did. if nt im gonna have sleepless night again.
meiping || 7:01 PM

been searching around for nice blogskins.
but found NONE! =((
there's lots of nice and pretty blogskins.
but none caught my eyes.
saddd..
wanted to change it long ago ya.
hmm or anyone wanna do one for me!

still unable to really get focus on some stuff.
whenever i try to focus, i lost focus.
end up doing stuff wrongly. =/
just like the other days, mom ask me get her some stuffs.
even tot she repeated like 3 times, i still manage to buy the wrong stuff back for her! =x

anyway, last friday went over to ron house to play card games.
had supper and met baby.
head over to his house to nap before going home.
stayed home for sat and sun!
budget budget! cny coming, gonna burn another hole in my pocket.
my pockets just kept being burn! nv mend. =/
i wonder i have how many pockets more to burn. lol.
earlier on watch red cliff 2 with baby.
nicenice! its a nice show! =)
i dont mind watching it again. lol.
met baby's frens after movie, and he drove us back to my house area.
sat at the coffee shop and chitchat.
i went home earlier. baby sent me home. and went back to meet them.

this year cny will be very very different from other cny that i had before.
grandma is nt with us to celebrate it anymore..
even tot it has been close to 4 month.
the pain is still lingering there.
its like a open wound being shattered with salt.

If tears could build a stairway,
And memories a lane,
I would walk right up to heaven
And bring you home again.
No farewell words were spoken –
No time to say good-bye.
You were gone before I knew it
And only God knows why.
My heart still aches in sadness
And secrets tears still flow.
What it meant to lose you
No one will ever know.

It’s just hard to lose someone, no matter how much or little it meant at the time.

“You’ll get over it”. It’s the clichés that cause the trouble. To lose someone you love is to alter your life forever. You don’t get over it because “it” is the person you loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never closes. How could it? The articulation of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not made anodyne by death. This hold in my heart is the shape of you and no one else can fit it. Why would I want them to?
meiping || 1:43 AM

needa find some courage to get some stuff thing.
not some stuff. just one thing!
where is all the courage i have?
or maybe this is a different kind of courage?
or is it plainly losing total faith and trust in something?
the kind of situation im in nw, and there kind of stuff going on in the world.
i heard so many girls friends of mine whining about it.
and i even seen it with my own eyes.
and even in my own family. =/
argh. dont wan talk about it anymore.
all i want in my life now is a good future.
there is nothing more that i want now.
another thing in life that i yearn for is the life of my grandma and health of my papa.
nothing more than tt.
i would trade anything for the above.
but just another wishful thinking.

i was becoming like a book geek.
thats what kristy and jiewei been whining about.
but aint that gd? whats wrong with being too into a book?
lol!
recently been finding hard to get focus.
hmmm.. like my soul is wandering in some other places.
><
let me chant a spell and ask my soul back k.
~!@#$%^&*()_+
LOL! im going crazy soon.

hmmm
was it yst? i think so?
i went down to enroll for my degree course with daddy.
they was saying it takes 2 week for the paper work to be done.
which means unable to make it for the 12th jan course.
sad to say, the next would be at may.
5 more months!!!
should i find a part-time job?
or should i slack?
hmmm...
anyway wanna hire part-timer for 3-4mth?
in need of cash~! lol


Dont be mistaken,
i'm not angry neither am i upset.
I just wish after doing such,
you really feel better.
At least left some dignity & let me gain somemore respect.
I believe that's the least you can do.
Dont make me feel like a fool.
Please dont.
I would thank you for that.
I seriously would.

*edited*
am currently so bored~~
i regret rejecting bibi and co for the drinking session!
i should have join them! argh!
nvm, bibi if u see this, next week k! next week!!!
让我们欢乐通宵吧！
不醉不归 ok?
meiping || 1:57 AM

ahhh cheewww!
dust is flying around in my room!
i should have go along with the idea of buying a mask earlier on. =(

these few week seems to have lots of thing on hand!
xmas celebrations, new year celebrations.
beside this two still have other events. ><
nt really keen on year end. lots of things to do.

anyway, this morning i met baby for breakfast cum lunch.
after he cab to work i went for a little shopping spree.
hmmm.. just a little. =)
i met up with jovan. he came down bishan to accompany me.
bought 2 set of bras~ black black~ lol.
aftermaths went to espirt! bought a jacket.
paid using baby's card. hee. his so call xmas present for me!
he said he is busy with work, ask me to use his card to buy present for myself. XD
i wanted so badly to go down city link , FCUK to buy the watch!
so badly! but its so expensive, hence i gave up the idea. =/
hmmm..
spent above 150 with jovan at espirt.
so i became a member. hee. thanks thanks. =p
next time let u be member k!
walked around, bought dvds.
had brunch.
home sweet home.
was packing my room earlier on.
took me 2hours to pack my room.
and its not done yet! i just finish throwing away unwanted stuff.
and i still haven go ikea to get some nice boxes for my stuffs.
so must of the stuff is lying around on the floor in my room.
messy messy! =(
hmmm i need extra storage. hiak hiak hiak!


To live in this world you must be able to do three things,
to love what is mortal,
to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it
and when the time comes to let it go,
let it go.
meiping || 4:50 PM

Happy New Year everyone. =)
lets hope and pray for a better year! a year of joy and happiness.
hmmm, trying to a recalling of what has happened for 2008.
I cant really seems to remember happy stuffs, i wonder why.
is my brain working the opp of others? lol.
anyway , life in 2008 been a brisk, everything happened like a flash of light.
people comes and go too.
changes, lots of changes too.

i was trying to recall some stuff, and straight away poof!
these stuff came to my mind.
the lost of my beloved grandma. and the news of my papa down with colon cancer. =/
that's why i always feel that 2008 aint a good year for me at all.
maybe its that im growing up, and in the path of growing up, people around me are getting older and older..
grandma lost been a great blow to me.. =(
i really hope papa will listen to the doctors and do what the doctors say.
but, old people, sigh , are so stubborn!
another thing was that i finally got my dip. =)
im starting on hon degree next year. *jiayou to myself*
and and and , my relationship not really going anywhere at all.
at some point of time, i will get qns from fren, what do u really want? do u love him? all these sort of qns. =/
but i never been able to answer them.
i hope one day i wil be able to answer them. lets work on this too.

oh! this year had a mini bday celebration, what i always wanted.
a small group of close frens and loves one, gathered together. =)
i dont wan those kind of big celebration. i prefer to pass bday quietly..
those whom remember will always be in my heart. and those that dont remember, they will still be in my heart. =)
human changes, and i feel myself changing too.
dont pin too much, save urself disappointment.
dont trust guys too easily. even ur own family members.

spent quite alot this year too, not comparing to last time when im still working.
comparing to the amount of pocket money i get each month, i have been spending away almost every single cent. =/
i didnt really manage to hit my saving target this year. *disappointed*
anyway!
i cant really recall anymore stuff. =p

hmmm. coz i been thinking of another thing! =x
PLANS for 2009! XD
- enroll in my hon degree course
- my beloved family and friends to stay healthy and happy. seeing them smile makes my day!
- a trip to NY * jw are u reading it? *
- hit my saving target!
- find a part-time job
hey i still gt some other plans in mind.
but currently my mind is full of food, im hungry!
so i wil blog again later.
let me finish thanking some people first. =D

thanks to kristy =)
hey big sissy! thanks alot for all these years!
all the stuff that u did for me. im really grateful for it!
taking time out of ur busy work! making an effort to meet me , drive me around when jiewei not here le.
thanks for all the love , care and concern!
even tot we are not blood related, i felt tt i could trust u with the darkest secret of my life. =)
but , stop being such a auntie can? lol! dont be so thick skin! =p
u r already a mother! LOL!
yao you jian zhi oki?
nevertheless, i love u and thanks again!

thanks to jiewei , ada mei and bibi!
aww, our friendship could be written into a story book!
lol, those dramatic kind of stuff will always happen when im with u guys.
u guys always makes my day, start my day with a smile and end it with a smile! =D
thanks for throwing away ur prides and face sometime , just to be a clown to make me happy. =)
i wont know what to do, if u guys are nt there for me at the darkest moment in my life. =)
im really thankful to bibi and ada to come all the way down to my house void deck to keep my company when i knew the news away the lost of grandma. staying up thru the night, talking non-stop trying to make me feel better.
thanks to jiewei for being such a good sista to me! =) too bad u r guy, if nt we can jie bai le!

thanks to my familys..
i know everyone, almost everyone la, they care alot for me, they want the best for me. =) i love everyone. i will strive to be the best i can for myself and u guys. i want the best for everyone. i cannot promise , but i will try!

thanks to another group of good friend!
xf , yl , ks , hua , milo , koksiang , enying last bt nt least JOVAN! =)
its fate tt brought us together. =)
knowing u guys from childhood, school days, working days and even gaming days!
they often say , its nt easy for 2 people to be able to click so well, and im glad, we manage to click so well in such a short period of time.
i know i made some of u guys worry time to time. sorry for the troubles.
i will be strong. =)
thanks everyone!

lastly, I LOVE EVERYONE! Even if u r not mention.
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
WELCOME 2009 WITH WARM HUG! A NEW YEAR A NEW START!
HOPE EVERYONE WILL BE SURROUNDED BY HAPPINESS AND JOYS, AND LESS OF PAIN AND SORROWS!
meiping || 12:08 AM

belated merry xmas! =)
24th Dec
i wasnt in town, wasnt at zouk party, nor was i at any pub , club or ktv.
instead i was at sim ming prawning with hua and co.
that's how i spent this year xmas.
there isn't the usual pick lot and xmas gift kind of outing.
or shouting of last 10 sec of xmas eve.
i was watching them playing pool when 12 strike.
i didn't stay out till the wee hours.
i went home at 1am.

thanks ada for the earring
thanks jiewei for the candy and necklaces
thanks kristy for the 'glam' bag * i doubt i wil ever use it* =x
thanks hua for the chip and dale. =)
thanks bibi for the $50 buck Kino Cash Voc.
thanks jovan for the perfume. =D
these what i got for xmas. =)
not those kind of branded exp gift compare to others.
but i feel that its more exp then those gift. =)
wad matter is the tot.
thanks everyone. thanks for the xmas greeting. and sorry if i miss ur name out.

25th Dec
anyway, went to xiaoyun chalet at changi.
met up with hua at bpp, waited for ron to pick us up.
save on the cab fares! XD
thanks ron! lol.
had bbq food, waited for baby to come with the cake.
played card games. =) lota of laughter.
hmmm. ron sent use home ard 3am.
took a nap at baby house before sending him off for work.

hmmm the rest of the week went like a flash.
dont rem anything at all! >.<
but i do rem im having my BTT tml. wish me luck again.
nights... =)
meiping || 9:44 PM

disappointments...
time after time, disappointments seems to be the only thing im getting.
fuck it. i hope it would ............
argh, nevermind forget it.
i hate myself.


It was nice to be alone,
not to have to smile and look pleased,
a relief to stare dejectedly out the window at the sheeting rain
and let just a few tears escape.


edited =)

met kristy, dardar and kokwei on sunday.
went shopping for xmas present. =)
spent such a sum on it.
wander around in town. had dinner and kristy sent us home.
i actually forgot about what we did. ><
anyway, met milo on monday.
tried to sum up my xmas present asap.
hee. settled another 3 present. =)
after shopping around in j8. spent another 90 bucks ><
went down bpp to pass hua her present, aftermath head down to woodland for dinner and movie.
watch IP Man this time round... hmmm..
more of a guy show ya, lots of action. but its still nice! =)
met baby after the movie. slack awhile and he sent me home.

nice song..
thanks bibi for sharing.
陈嘉唯
我等的人会是谁

我的故事也许比较特别走过的路也许比较迂回
黑暗之中全凭着直觉 keep my faith watch my steps 一步步靠直觉
也许有天生命中会出现那一个谁走进我的心里面
他不必是个mr. perfect 只要他善良体贴 be my friend and my soul mate
我等的人会是谁何时才出现 make me whole make me brave
我等的人会是谁不急在眼前 i can wait i will pray
也许有天生命中会出现那一个谁走进我的心里面
他不必是个mr. perfect 只要他善良体贴 be my friend and my soul mate
我等的人会是谁何时才出现 make me whole make me brave
我等的人会是谁希望他了解不管迷惘或坚决都是我的某一面
我并不追求完美只要能用心体会每一天都是better day
我等的人会是谁何时才出现 make me whole make me brave
我等的人会是谁何时才出现陪着我一天一点让生命能变得更美
meiping || 2:15 AM

oh i forgot to thanks jie wei for the supar dupar early xmas present! =)
he sent me a box from new york 2 to 3 week ago, super early right!
anyway, thanks for the lovely hair pin and necklace!
not forgetting the big box of candy. but most of the candy melt already! most of it is out of shape. =( wanted to share with my friend... but cant.. ><
lots thanks for the effort!
do rem to study hard for ur mba over there. still waiting for NY air ticket hurhur!

anyway, had a maple guild outing today.
met hua, xiaoyun, ron , ami and ck.
the grp met earlier to have lunch.
skipped the lunch. hence i met hua at ps around 3.
then gather up with them. head down to Mind Cafe.
played 2 games, hmmm around an hr for each game.
awww! they guys cheated! LOL.
but nevertheless it is still fun. =)
aftermath had dinner at sakae and movie.
Yes Man!
always love the show by jim carrey!
aftermath home sweet home...
argh! the journey back home is sooooo boring!!! due to the fact that i split my ear piece into 2 part. lol.

xmas is coming, pocket is burning!
meiping || 1:36 AM

Tiring day~
slept at 6am in the morning and woke up at 12pm!
slept for 4hour only~
getting old le hurhur...
anyway, met baby for lunch, and he sent me home on his way to work.
was slacking all the way at home~ keke!
went out for movie at 6.
but i couldn't make it on time for woodland timing.
hence change to amk hub!
its like finally i get to watch twilight!
i completed all 4 vol of the series...
hmmm. like what most of the people say, if u like harry potter u will also like it.
and yes! i fell in love with the story. =)
waited very long for the movie, but the movie wasn't up to my expectation. >.<
but its okay la, coz they will be changing director for the next movie.
lets pray for the better!
before the show, the spoliter JIEWEI already told me not to expect too much.
lol!
thanks mr spoliter!

awww! jiewei! can u stop being such a pain in the ass?
i know u gets to watch movie before sg, but no big deal k!
HAOLIAN!


I gotta say what's on my mind
Something 'bout us Doesn't seem right these days
Life keeps getting in the way
Whenever we try some how the plan
Is always rearranged
It's so hard to say
but I've gotta do what's best for me
You'll be ok...
meiping || 11:47 PM

it felt as if my heart was being soaked in lemon.
lol.
i doesnt knw what it really means. but the words jus flow out.
my heart kept having a funny feeling. and i wonder whats the cause to it.
totally have no idea at all.
the feeling cant be pen down in words.

anyway, yst went malaysia (jb) with xf, hua and baby.
didnt go to many places.
just hang around city square area.
had lunch, aftermath wanted to catch movie there, but the timing aint right.
so we went down to walk around. =/
intend to get some xmas present, but none caught my eyes. sian~
anyway, xf and baby did bought some stuffs. toys~ * young at heart*
had a nice filling dinner at the back alley.
and went back to sg.
=/ we missed the timing for another movie.
hence we decided to go partyworld.
hmmm... its like a weekly stuff? been going singing almost every week.
if not it would be prawning. lol.
sang till 1am. and cab home.
stayed over at baby's hus.
had lunch the next day and home sweet home.

ohya! just collected my dip cert. finally~!
now headache time, sigh.... decidsion time. sigh.... hate it...
hope i wont regret in time to come. =)

life just gets better hurhur.
time flies~ arh! this 2 words again. =x
soo fast 2008 gonna end already.
hmmm... =/
bad bad year for me... sigh......
must be really down on my luck i guess?
lets hope for a better yr in 2009!
*cheers*
meiping || 4:01 PM

L O S T F O R W O R D S...
meiping || 2:52 AM

=)
im back from malaysia.
had a chaotic week there.
especially when u have gt like 3 kids sleeping in and another 2/3 kids popping in during the afternoon.
no peace in the house i can say.
the sound might distract the thinking, the slient.
but the emptness is always there......
the kids doesnt really related to the past and lost.
how i wish i was a kid again, having the ability to forget unhappiness so fast.
just in the flash of light.
how wonderful can life gets.
anyway, met a few friends. had a couple of drinks.
then aftermath attended a long distance cousin wedding.
in the hell when i dono even knw every single one there. -.-!
lol.
had to accompany aunt back home.
didnt really had any slp on the monday.
attended the wedding on sunday, reach home kinda of late.
slept at only going 4am.
and woosh! 6am im up. and on the bus back to sg.
intended to rest at home the rest of the day.
but on the way out to grab lunch i had the urge for book!
i went crazy somehow? i went J8, amk , TPY, thomson, yishun and finally liang count.
just to get the books.
<3

i must remind myself to get another 2 book i saw on the shelf at liang court.
=x
and i need a trip down to liang court badly ya..
i needa get a book shelf. sigh..
everything is about money.........................
meiping || 6:36 PM

im going back malaysia tml. =)

im choosing to be blind.
everything i see , i heard, i know...
i am choosing to let it go slowly....
u are not gonna bother my life anymore..
slowly bit by bit, i feeling stronger.
am having a stronger feeling that i know for sure.
im letting it go.. slowly....
so that it wil bring drop the hurt n pain to the lowest points.
thanks u for hurting me..
thanks u for treat me this bad..
thanks u for doing all these craps to let me knw u are nt the right person.
thanks u for everything...
thanks u for putting up such an act..
thanks u...
i know, there will be better people out there...

god, often let us meet a couple of wrong people first, so that when the right person comes, we will be gratful. =)

Sometimes pain
becomes such a big part of your life
that you expect it to always be there.
Because you can't remember a time in your life
when it wasn't.
But then one day you feel something else.
Something that feels wrong only
because it's so unfamiliar.
And in that moment,
you realize you're happy.

Strange, isn’t it?
How negative stuff all seems to happen at once.
One thing piles on top of another.
But we’re resilient.
We resolve whatever it is that’s weighing us down.
And in the end,
we’re stronger.
meiping || 3:36 PM

<3
meiping || 3:22 PM

我的心好痛好痛。。。
但愿它有一天会康复，不再痛了。。。

现在我才发现小时候读的童话故事，都是虚幻而已。
我不在相信了。
世上每有天长地久，也没有永远幸福的结局。
世上根没有所谓的幸福快乐或完美的家庭。
外表看来很幸福完美，可是一点也不是。
不然也不会有人常常说“家家有本难念的经”

可能是命中注定，也可能是我的命运。
所以才会在这些环境长大。
也可能是种福气，让我早点看到现实的残酷。
好让我有所准备。
我不会怨天怨地，我也不会怨任何人。
因为还有很多比我不幸的人。
我可不是在幸灾乐祸哦！
=P

人生需要经过很多的起伏才能真正的成长。
我还在学习，还在不断的从失败中爬起。。。。。。
我会坚强的。
=）

家附近有工人在唱着他们家乡的歌谣，虽然听不懂意思，可是很温馨。=）
忽然也想起了，小时候婆婆常唱的歌。=）
meiping || 2:23 PM

i feel that im losing foucs in lots of thing recently.
sort of like my soul always seems to be in another world.
foucs , confusion , illusion...
when all these 3 elements comes to together it does an bad impact on me.
big impact somehow i guess. =/
i get into my thoughts something tt i didn bother about whats the outside world is happening.
i ponder over it somehow, but i couldn't find any answer anywhere.
well i guess it is part of growing up ya?

We all have our time machines.
Some take us back,
they're called memories.
Some take us forward,
they're called dreams.

had a happy outing with my friends.
had prawning in the morning, even tot i have to be the nanny waking everyone. but the effort pays off. but but but.... =p
anyway, aftermath had lunch near my hus coffeeshop.
took a bus down to liang court partyworld.
foc singing rocks. lol.
then head down to chomp chomp for dinner.
hmmm.. intend to head home straight after dinner.
but decided to drop by 77th street to help baby get this zippo.
chit chat abit with xf¬
i must say im really very bless to have such a nice daddy.
<3
if only i could change my mom, i would have a perfect family!
but sad to say, nth in life is perfect...
why hope so much when u knw its nt gonna happen.
wishful thinking.

we find by losing.
we hold fast by letting go.
we become something new by ceasing to be something old.
there is nothing permanent
except change.

hmmm.. once again, im blogging back about the past.
i just couldnt get the tots away from my mind.
somehow, popo just kept stayin in my mind ever since the day she left us.
why why why...
the last time i went back malaysia was during popo's 49th day.
i moment i step in..
i feel like crying so badly. but if i cry everyone will follow suit.
=( i wont want it be like this. i ran to the room lock myself.
cried and cried til i fell aslp.
i wish i could lie in popo arms, feel her warmth.
and when my uncle ask the kids, u all knw whr is tai ma?
one of them answer this, tai ma is in our heart. =)
knw how sweet it actually sound? like a smoothing melody. =)
i really must move on and stop graving over the past. its nt healthy..

Behind every beautiful thing
there is some kind of pain.

kristy sissy, when will u ever be free?
jus a couple of hours? spare it out for me?
or put it this way? i be ur client and buy ur 2 hours?
ada mei busy with work + bf + family = no time for me le.
kristy with work + work + work + work = no time for me n dar.
jw far away in NY + miles n miles apart = got time also cannot spare le.
=(

*lights off, turning in for the nite*
meiping || 12:00 AM

currently at home,
feeling sooo hungry!
im hungry, so hungry, so very hungry! =((
i smell food at home! nice smell! BUT!
sad to say, mom cooking curry fish head. ( i dont eat )

this morning went to work, as usual it ended around 1130.
aftermath met baby for lunch, bought lunch for mom.
and home sweet home.
after bathe and everything went down to FEP to meet kristy.
but, that busy woman got held up by her client!
wait an hour for her. >.hmm big sissy kristy treat me buffet at goodwood! =)
nicenice! love it! thanks sissy.
side note -
she actually bought a purple hdd casing for me ， and even bling it with purple crystal~
but tt smart alex didnt even bother to ask me about the measurement.
she actually took of the old casing and threw it away!
then she found out that it doesn't fits at all!!
now i need spend another amount of money to get a new casing.. zzzz!
and my hdd is so kelian, nt wearing any clothes. lol.


meiping || 6:53 PM

i was this special place reading, then somehow i saw this rainbow reflection beening cast onto my book. =) nicenice!





























milo been in hosptial on the 31th oct. bought this along to cheer her up. =)
hopefully she is recovering soon le!
















oo i took home the wisdom tooth. but scolded by mom =(
she said i should , nono is i MUST throw it away.
if not i wont have healthy teeth!
didnt knw there such kind of rule. =.=

anyway, was having a real bad headache earlier on.
=/
it felt like those kinda of very serious hang over.
as if i drank the whole bottle of big canon down yesterday.
but i haven touch it for quite sometime.
i couldnt find the reason to the headache..
but after taking the usual medic and have a long long nap, i felt so much better.
=(
mom didn cook my share of dinner, by the time i wake up , only left white rice..
awww. in the end had maggi for my late dinner.
then i suddenly remembered actually today i was supposed to bring dar to the clinic.
but i forgot about it! im so so so sorry kristy!

currently on the webcam with jiewei.
i miss u so much my sissy jiewei~!
hurry get a job! i want go NY!
and btw rem the LV wallet u promised k!
LOL! i will be waiting~ lalalas~
meiping || 11:31 PM

everyday been pretty much the same as the day before yesterday and the day before.
in short, life seens to be a routie i guess?
been sometime am i able to find such a nice book that would keep me company.
two thumbs up for nicholas sparks~
awww! it really makes me miss those carefree day!
those days when i could somehow find somewhere quiet, be it in crowded place.
as long as i have my mp3 with me, to really sit down and fed on a good book.
awww~ where have those day gone to?
come on baby, come back soon k!
and i really do need a trip to ikea soon. =/ messy room.

btw kristy dont ask me out unless u can have 101% comfirm tt u wil be free on the actul day.
its ok to put me plane, but hw u think about what dardar will think and feel?
poor baby boy... =/ gan ma heartpain ~

am jus feeling an extra tiny bit of being more on the emotional side tonight.
might be the cause of music? or maybe not jus myself feelin kinda of lonely tonight..
maybe i starting to miss the people i had lost in my life.
sweet bitter feeling i guess.
be it friends or family member,
it all adds up together and kind of left me with an emptiness which i know would never fill completely.
even though time had lessened the pain, the memories still stays.
all my dearly ones are been miss by me.. =)
i would nv find a person sweeter then any of u.
the loving memories...... =)
meiping || 9:54 PM

hmmm
why do humans like to force an answer out of nothing / or someone?
i always thought if one want to say they wil say.
forcing an answer out is wrong?
but why am i always being force for an answer? =.=!
if i want i would tell u every single shit.
weirdo!

days been the same for me i guess.
work - lunch - home - comp - tv - dinner - psp - slp
these is boring the gemini people out!
ANYWAY!
kristy n dardar has been such a pain in the ass! =/
jiewei too as been a pain in the ass! BTH!
u guys SUCKS! muhaha!
no more tag board cannot fight back. lalalalas~

once again - quotes!
truth is everybodys going to hurt you,
find the ones worth suffering for.

You could have a smile on your face
and a twinkle in your eye,
but only a true best friend
knows that you're really about to cry.

You're alive and you're here
but it's not what it seems.
Shattered and broken,
you're barely hanging on.
And the one that could help you
was a stranger all along.

just because her eye's dont tear
doesn't mean her heart doesn't cry.
and just because she comes off strong,
that doesn't mean
there's nothing wrong.

Someday everything will all make perfect sense.
so for now,
laugh at the confusion,
smile through the tears,
and keep reminding yourself
that everything happens for a reason.

giving up doesn’t always mean that you are weak
but sometimes it means
that you are strong enough to let go.

you know someone is a true friend
when you are about to break down and cry,
but they will say the stupidest,
most random thing
just to see you smile.

so what if there were questions left unanswered,
life went on.
we knew that better than anyone.
train yourself to let go of
everything you fear to lose.

side kick -
gay sissy jw, im missing all ur craps so badly u knw?
all those lame craps tt crack up my days and put a smile on my face.
i miss meeting u, miss u fetching me after school or outing.
i miss chatting with u face to face =(
i miss the random hugs we give each other for support or console.
i miss everything about u!
i miss ur family too!

and am missing everyone so badly suddenly.
was wishing everyone would appear out of no where to give me a big hug and tell me everything gonna be ok, they will be there for me. =)
all these yrs, thanks for the company, the care , the love , the understanding, just thanks for everything! =)

meiping || 1:35 AM

supposed to have an mini outing with dardar n kristy.
but dardar is down with a bad cough and flu..
weather been bad, lots of people falling sick. =(
even milo is sick, and worst she in admited to the hosp!
let hope everyone have a speedy recovery! =)

right now rotting at home. wad a sunday!

jus finish watching ai qing mo fa shi on chl U.
no more drama le sia. boring!
loading show now, but its taking such a long time!
maybe bcoz im also downloading psp game at the same time.
hee! found lots of new game.. woots!

friday nite went out to collect hua's present.
finally it is done! =D
godness so heavy sia. and i kept walking in j8 for rounds carrying the gift!
hmmm bought the stuff, and went down to the hosp to find milo.
ohh she is lookin so much better! =D
good good. lolx.
anyway, milo's mom help us wrap the gift up.
aftermath went down to town to meet hua and tgt we went laoeh hus for mj.
met xf at woodland.
won $3.7! keke! xian yu fan shen k! WHAHA!

sat morning went home have a short nap.
and off i went to meet xf once again.
went partyworld. sang til 8. went back j8.
ate some finger food. and home sweet home!

time flies~~~~
hmmm been saying this phrash for many many many time in my blog. =P
been thinkin of getting NDS sia. =/
but like a waste of money.. >.<

ohya! i also remove one of my wisdom tooth. =,(
so painful~!

i recalled on popo's wake, mama cried till so sad. that it makes everyone teared too.
her every words spoke her heart and feeling. the kind of heartbreaks and disappointment she get from da ge and er jie. i mean i do hate them for making mama so sad, but they are still my sibling, hence i stil love them.. but how come they wont put themself in mama shoes to think and feel? always not keeping their words?
i really wish i can know whats on their mind. beside money. =/
im like a money tree to them. last time i spent almost every cent on them.
but now, im not so naive anymore, i wont believe all the tricks and lies.
i seen thru it. but i stil dont say NO to them. =/
im so stupid! hmmm.. enough of complainin i guess. =)
i feel so much better now.

i have so so so much plans for the future!
but i knw the more i have in mind, the more disappointment i might get.
but without a plan, life seem so aimless?
i know myself tt, no matter what, i want to provide the best of everything to cater to my family.
and only the best for them! =)
just like what daddy is doing now. i really look up to daddy when it comes to been the solo breadwinner for the family.
he can totally put aside himself, and think the best for everyone in the family.
but one bad thing i learnt from him is never say no to other people request! i wish i can change the habit.
i really hope i can be succeful like daddy! XD
if daddy can do it, so can i right?
i love daddy and my family so much.... must really treasure everyone around me.
becoz i know they care for me, and they love me as much as i love them. =)
i love you , you love me, we are happy family!
hmmm happy family? never really know or felt before. i mean in my real family.
but in time to get if i really do set up my own family, i swear i will never treat my kids the way im been treated. and i really do mean my word.

Ooh, I've got to let it go.
Start protecting my heart and soul.
Cause I don't think I'll survive a goodbye again.
Not again!

When one door of happiness closes,
another open.
but often we look so long at the closed door
that we do not see the one
which has been open for us.

so what if there were questions left unanswered,
life went on.
we knew that better than anyone

train yourself to let go of
everything you fear to lose.

dont rethink things
because usually your first thought
is what you really want,
so just follow it through

giving up doesn’t always mean that you are weak
but sometimes it means
that you are strong enough to let go.

life doesn't hurt until you realize
how much things have changed,
who you've lost,
and how much of it was your own fault.

Someone will always catch you when you fall
& it won't always be who you thought it would.
The people you think love you most might watch you fall,
wait,
& then congratulate you when you find your own way back up.
This doesn't mean they love you less,
they just know that you're stronger
than you give yourself credit for.
meiping || 5:13 PM

=(

in pain.....
hungry....

slp.......
meiping || 6:55 PM

toothing sucks.. =(
feeling so sucky..
having fever on and off.. =/
i tot the toothing has stop last 2 mths coz i stop feeling pain.
but who knw i started feeling the tear of the gum these few dae..
so uncomfy.. sigh..........
i just pop 2 painkiller 2 hr ago.. it doesnt seems to be working..!

anyway, been busy with work + games + outing.
oh, happy birthday to kristy, dardar and huahua.
many more people to wish... but i lazy...
im so sorry that im unable to turn up for dar's bday.
but glad enough tt he understand gan ma so well! <3~
oh, krisy, another yr older le, try to meet ur target soon and spend more time with dardar k. i love u too my big sissy!
huahua~ happy sweet 16 bdae wor! LOL! stay hapi always, and hope u wil find ur true love one dae.. =) with loves to everyone...

maybe, i really need to fall down a few more time,
so that i wil be able to learn more...
yea, maybe its alright to keep falling down.
as long as i will be able to stand up once again...

Maybe,
sometimes,
it's easier to be mad at the people you trust
because you know they'll always love you,
no matter what.

F.R.I.E.N.DS.

just because her eye's dont tear
doesn't mean her heart doesn't cry.
and just because she comes off strong,
that doesn't mean
there's nothing wrong
meiping || 6:54 PM

meiping || 11:57 PM

=(
something trigger some sad tots suddenly.
i guess the pms n av is making me feeling so moody.

the past few dae was good i supposed?
nth much happened too.
watch-ed movie, bbq at dear's work place.
slacking and chilling sessions.
oh, i miss drinking sia. lolx
=p
btw im nt addicted to drinking k.
and i have yet to get my pay yet =(

on another hand, i finally bought my ROUTER. keke
i forgot i spent like another 100 over on wad stuff already ><><
forget it. lolx
meiping || 3:39 PM

i no longer feel the love...
i no longer feel the needs...
i no longer feel the cares...
i no longer feel that i need you that much already..
good sign i think?

but one thing for sure,
i know it will still hurts.

in three words i can sum up everything about life:
it goes on.
meiping || 12:38 AM

meiping/zhonghua
16061988
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