was on the phone with boy the other day, then we came over this special topic that left me thinking and pondering to myself.
we were chatting about friends; true, good, best whatever type of friends la.
i dont know if i have find my soul mate in my life..
the kind of friend whom i can pour everything, even the darkest secret to.
i always thought i have found the right one. but it kept changing.
one by one is leaving me..
u see this fucking cheebye jiewei, see where the fuck he is now.
so freaking far at new york! nabei! jiewei u go and die la! bullshit!!! =(
then this kristy, sigh.. maybe i should stand in her shoe and think, her life isnt about me only, afterall she is all grown up, supporting herself, kids and family.
she wont bother to put me in the 1st place like the past.
its like everyone is changing..
alright, maybe i should just freaking face the fact that everyone changes.
it is just a matter of time..
a matter of time before the other person realise how bad friend im i guess..
but sometime i wonder, i aint a good friend mah? sometime, somewhere things just got out of hands ba..
leave as u may my dearest friend, for all i know, i will still be waiting at the right spot for ur return.........
no one is able to promise another a life time company i guess.
even couple breaks up, married couple dies....
no one lives forever...
however, i just hopes thing remain this where, i dont mean everything, just maybe certain thing......
take for example this kind of special relation im having with boy..
i would trade anything for this feeling to remain the same forever. however i know it will change. just a matter of time before he gives up and look for another gal.
the friendship with hua is also as pecious compare to boy's.
as for jiewei, jiewei u freaking cheebye kia hate u ar! =p~
haha!
i just realised so many people had walked into and out of my life..
whats the use of being sociable and having lots of friends?
i rather just have a good and trustworthy ones.
sometime i scroll through my phone book, i may have like freaking almost 300 contacts,
however there is only a couple i can really call to just disturb and kill time.
weird huh? so , tell me wads the use of bein sociable?
hence i guess, when ones grows older friends get lesser i guess?
well, just some random tots. be asure im not feeling emo or sad.
just wanted to pen these tots down somewhere...
nevertheless i love all my friends~ =) HUGS!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
meiping || 12:29 AM

weeeeeee~ lets update abit!
Celebrated xmas with friends and classmates..
Experience another way of celebrating xmas, doesnt need to have lots of foods nor drink. Just nice company sitting down chatting and play games is equally fun and enjoyable!
Oh! memorable xmas too! i finally managed to hu 13 yao! finally after so long..
however ever since the 13yao i haven been winning.. is it that xie men?! if so, i better get an angbao from fairy! =( i dont want to keep losing ar.. =p
Stayed home during New Year eve.. =) slept very early too if not wrong..
had a good rest!
Night time headed over to laoeh house for mahjong!
opps like mahjong freak like that.. =x but mahjong is so much better compare to drinking. haha, save more money..
these is all i could rem. coz they are public holidays!
the rest of the days went thru like a flash.. dont really remember too.
busy busy busy.. but, have no idea what im busying with too..

anyway, i remember meeting milo for dinner at my house area.
had western food for dinner.. =( wrong order! so not worth my $7.50! CHOU CHOU de MILO!
as for today i met up with KE AI de HUAHUA and yue for late lunch..
had lunch at prata house before going j8. ^^
bought a purple color jacket~ <3~ purple~
aftermath caught a movie with them..
something about vampire de.. quite a nice show..
well thats all for now..
shall update again when i can..
loves~

KE AI de HUAHUA and CHOU CHOU de MILO!
meiping || 1:16 AM

i realised how much i had left u in my memory lane till the day i smell ur cologne once again..
it was just a normal day like every others.
till this guy board the bus and sat beside me..
the smell of ur cologne is so strong that i didnt knw it still lingers in my memories.
ohgohs. how many months and years, tears and sorrow i had spent and shed to forget u.
i thought i had. but i realise i didnt till that day.
that u has been living in the hidden place in my heart and memory.
but i realise, whenever i recall u, it doesnt hurts anymore.
everything became so sweet..
and am happy it became this way...
and just because of that cologne smell i sat with that guy till he reach his stop...
just another silly act of mine..

and maybe, this time round, it will be the same..
months and years , tears and sorrow will be use to forgo another relationship..
but this time round it seems harder, so much harder..
i dont knw if i can do it..
i seem so much braver in the past compare to now..
as i grew older, i grew weaker emotionally.
will i be able to deal with it?
not ready and prepared for it..................
meiping || 1:42 AM

weeee~ Just had a wonderful weekend!
Babies finally made their passport!! XD~ Its like after so many donkey years, okay la, in fact maybe 2 years? Cause ming is only 2 year old.. muhaha~
Spent alot on Sat, but nevertheless it was worth it!
Woke up in the morning like 8am to pack my room for babies!
Tot they will be staying over at my house for a night at first, however plan changed.. =(
After tidying the room, bathed and off i went..
Met mama, papa, er jie, the 3 notti babies and hua at Kranji Mrt.
Had our late breakfast + early lunch at the MRT before heading to the Zoo..
Sotong me! Checked the bus, however didnt check the timing and day..
So in the end split into 2 cabs, cabs to the Zoo..
Bought tickets, for 5 adults and 2 kids, cause ming is below 3 year old.. Keke..
Spent a lot of $150 on tickets already..
Walked around the Zoo, watched the animals performances.. Took the boat ride at the ending to the KidzWorld, had our dinner there, KFC~ Another 50bucks gone~ haha
After filling our tummy took the tram ride back to the enterance, and took cabs to Woodland..
Had a walk at the pasa malam, mama bought shirts for babies...
Aftermath parted with them, they took bus back JB while hua and me plan for others stuffs..
Well, it might be only a few short hours, however i enjoy myself with the company!
Was missing the babies soooooo muchie! Finally got to see them, hug them and kiss them! arghh~ Im missing them so badly right now! =(
Hopes CNY come asap! I want see them! I want see them!!
Night time went for mahjong session with hua and co.
Woots~ Tiring, but fun!
Went over to baby's house and ko straight till around 4pm.. =X
Met alfie for dinner and accompany him till he meet his family..
Home sweet home and took a nap before meeting baby for supper again.. =)
Simple but happy weekend!
BUT! My bank is so empty now.........................

I guess this would be a super long and wordy post! Ha!

I seriously dont know what i want in my life....
Everyone is planning already.. But for me, im still halfway only..
Sometimes i will tell myself, must focus, must focus, however i couldnt do it.
Cant focus is only an excuse humans create for themselve to avoid things i guess.
Nothing in this world is impossible, right now, i might say this, however i cant seems to carry out.. Well, excuses i know... But this is part of life?
Part of growing up and learning? Learn how to face and accept stuffs.. Grow up to be a better person for everyone and most importantly myself.

I was thinking, if i didnt turn good in the past, what will become of me right now?
Will i be like other teenage girls always asking daddy for money, buying this and that, spending money like water, always not going home..
Did i change for a better person? Or did i not?

What has it all become to ; What has my life become to?
LGO*
meiping || 3:26 AM

Nowaday hardly blogs.. And even if i do blog, halfway thru i will stop and close the whole IE..
Hence it result in the short posts.. I just went to check my draft and post it.. Dont blame me for all those rubbish i typed.. Haha.. I have no idea myself too..
Well.. Will be having my interview with the school tml morning.. Needa to be there at 845.. gosh.. -.-! what a timing.. The interview will last for around 10-15min.. Which means everything will finish at 915 lastest.. -.-! But, i cant go home and sleep, cause there is lesson at 1215.. Sian la..
So what should i do during this long break time.. if i go home i doubt i will attend the afternoon lesson le..

It hasnt been a good year for me.. Down on luck.. Boring...
Incomes becoming lesser and lesser already... Seriously Money Never Enough la!
I can foresee that this month i will be broke before the 3rd week..
Babies is coming to sg this coming week.. Which means all expenes will be on me..
Sian la.. Hao lai bu lai, this time lai.. -.-!
Spare me a break la...
meiping || 12:31 AM

There goes my 2 weeks of holidays! Its like i haven even start enjoy and playing yet..

Sian... Ended just like this... I miss primary and secondary school holidays.. Especially year end holidays.. almost 2 whole months so break time! awww.. How i miss those day... haha..

But i can pin for the next holidays, think is around 1 month! XD~

Ang bao ang bao~!



Hmmm......... Nowaday so broke sia... Dont know where i spent money.. =.=!

Seriously no idea.. -.-! Fly fly fly~
meiping || 2:09 AM

Hmmm.. I couldn't sleep even after tossing and turning on the bed for an hour..

Hence here im blogging.. But, i dont know what to blog also..

Holidays has started already! weee~ But, without knowing a week is gonna go by~

There goes my holidays.. Didnt do much also.. Been staying out late..

Playing mahjong and slacking! See! Really nothing much also.. -.-

Like a waste of holidays times hor.. But at least i dont need to force myself to sleep early everyday and wake up godamn know how early.. =p
meiping || 2:31 AM

Love is such a funny thing.. Its comes so fast and goes so fast... Before i can even realise it everything has changed.. How i miss those time back.. The starting is always the sweetest baby..
i miss falling asleep in ur arms.. miss the way u used to hug me.. the kind of kiss is different from the past.. everything has changed..

"Love is... giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting her/him not to."


The times when the love was still true.. The moment it is gone, it is gone.. both u and i have no confident will we be able to find the feeling back.. or maybe i already lost the trust in u.. and u have never try to gain back my trust..



What is love..

Wish to be far away from all these shit.. I never pin for a 24/7 hour company, nor hundreds over dollars gifts. All i pin is a faithful and truthful u..

I need some peace.. Or maybe some crazy nights out drinking my heart away! Its party time i guess! Lets have some fun.. =)

meiping || 3:03 AM

Finally! After so long, my long await holidays has come...
Lets Party~ ^^
Friday played mahjong with baby and co. Won abit.. yea~~
Played till the morning wee.. Stayed over at baby's house..
Continue to sleep after waking baby for work.. Slept till 4pm.. =X
Went home after washing up.. Changed and went to meet kaisi dar!!
Had dinner with her and went for pedicure..
Baby called half way.. End up, i have to go over TPY to accompany him..
Boring boring boring!
Anyway, had a great sunday! Went over to classmate house..
It was fun! haha.. Had dinner and played cards games
meiping || 2:11 AM

Super duper TIRED ar! SHAG!
But still in the mist of waiting for my hair to dry..
short update..

Hmmm.. Am finally done with all my assignments! =) phews~
Anyway, suppose to have an exam today but i was late..
wasnt able / allow to take the paper.. crap~ there will be a retest during the next term.. Find that it was a waste of time!
Reached there around 0945 and everything ended at 1015! However the time-table states that it is 9am to 3pm!
Went out with my classmates.. 12 of us went Liang Court..
Must really thanks baby for his discounts!
aftermath had dinner.. after dinner went prawning!
cut short of everything.. lazy to type every single things that happened.
hsh at 12plus..

2 more days to 6th of nov! holidays~
hopefully i can find sometime for the babies.. =)
hope i can make a trip back.. a few day would be good enough i guess..
argh.. super shag... so tired.. but eyes aint closing.. =.=!
crap! i should meet BB instead earlier on after prawning!
=(
gonna counts the sheeps..
Nights peeps..
meiping || 2:24 AM

Hmm.. Finally got a chance to blog.. well.. not really a chance..
should say manage to catch the feeling.. =)
nowaday i keep thinking what do i want in my life..
what do i really want? the path ahead seems so blurred..
the vision seems so blur..
why am i working so hard now? rushing through all these work and stuffs..
taking in the stress and trouble..
who am i doing all these for? why am i the one doing all these?
what the hell is all these? what will i be in future..
why do human life.. why do human die?
why is there hurts and pain? why is all these happening?
why am i jealous of others? why am i so bothered?
there is still so much more... why all these qns doesnt seems to have any answer..
crap.. i hate it..
i hate feeling so uncertain about stuffs.. this is not my way of doing thing..
=(
but whatever it is... i only can conclude that this is life.....
fuck life... screw u! screw all the shits tt is happening around me.....

------------------------------------------------------

finally the long await holiday is coming.. =)
i have the intention of going back malaysia..
however.. i dont have the heart to carry it out.. ><
i dont knw whats the reason behind it too..
i just wish.. but i dont seems to be able to do it.....

sigh..........
thats all for now..
meiping || 2:21 AM

Let Me Trust You
by Dawn

Everyday I get more afraid
Of giving my heart away
Scared of what love will bring
Too nervous to hear the words you’ll say
I find myself lost in you
Not sure if I want to be
I see the looks that you give
And wonder what you see in me
I don’t want my heart broken
But I am so in love
I can’t seem to give up
A guy sent from above
So I’m gonna trust you
Please don’t let me down
For I am giving you a chance
To turn my life around
Don’t take it for granted
‘Cause it might not last long
I have weak thoughts
And my heart isn’t too strong
I’m putting my life in your hands
Now it’s all up to youI look forward to the places we go
And the things we’ll be put through
But remember that I’m vulnerable
And I can’t stand to be hurt
I want to be at the top of your list
But I don’t have to be first
Believe me when I tell you
That I love you with all my heart
That I’m here for you forever and always
Just like I was at the start.
meiping || 3:42 AM

*IMU
meiping || 2:44 AM

Hmmm..
I don't know why, but i kept having this kind of feeling and thinking..
My circle of friends are getting smaller and smaller..
Till there is only a handful of people around me.
I only meet a handful of them nowaday.
Sometime when i feel like going out, i take my hp and scroll through all the names, end up i didnt manage to find anyone. I might have lots of contacts. But none seems to match i guess? haha.. There is always reasons like, working, studying, dating, tired, too far, no money, no mood. So i will end up shopping alone, going out alone..
I remembered last time, it always used to have like 3-4 groups of friends.
One big bunch of peoples..
Now, it is so different, slowly, as time goes by, it is only left with a few.
I think i can even count with my 2 hands, or maybe to the extend of one hand.
Is it good or bad?
Or have i changed too much till friend couldn't accept and left?
Sometime, there isnt even a quarrel or disagreement, it just suddenly stop the contacts. So weird.. Maybe im not good enough i guess?
Bad temper? Too crazy? Talk too much? Too lazy? Bad smoker? Well.. Who knows..
Just a thought only..
Maybe.. there handful are the only ones i need in my life i guess.. Those whom really stayed and accompanied me. =)
The real truth, of True Friends.

thanks to U. =) Yes U.. =)

-----------------------------------

PS: Jw, ever since u left it seems like u took a part of me with u.. =(
I remebered, no matter how busy our life is, we always made time for each other. u know i dislike the way kristy treat me, thats why u always put in such a big effort to not make the mistake kristy did. Really happy about it u know? ^^ But, once u find a girl u like, i really hate it. maybe it is jealous ba? haha.. i dont knw.. not those kind of love jealousy.. =p but now i realised i kinda of miss the jealousy feeling.. haha.. im always ur lil sissy, u are always my big bro.. i really miss u..
the late nights drinking, singing, slacking, mahjong.. i really miss it.. even ur disturb calls in the middle of the nights, those stupid msgs.. =(
awww.. fast come back! missssssssssssssssssssss youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!! ='(
meiping || 2:06 AM

給你的一番話：
如果不喜歡你　就不用在乎你和別的女生打打鬧鬧

如果不喜歡你　就不用心痛你對別的女生溫柔體貼

如果不喜歡你　就不用想到你對我是喜歡抑或討厭

如果不喜歡你　就不用為了你一個眼神而心慌意亂

如果不喜歡你　就不用想盡辦法忘掉你給我的失望

如果不喜歡你　就不用讓自己變得善變又三心二意

如果不喜歡你　就不用害怕同學調查我對你的感覺

如果不喜歡你　就不用時時注意自己的言行舉止

如果不喜歡你　就不用天天為了你吃醋而生悶氣

如果不喜歡你　就不用每每在乎你經過我的身旁

如果不喜歡你　就不用三不五時觀望你在何處

如果不喜歡你　就不用時時刻刻找尋你的蹤影

如果不喜歡你　就不用留意你的任何眼光意見

如果不喜歡你　就不用因你不理我而傷心難過

如果不喜歡你 就不用一致把自己武裝起來

如果不喜歡你　就不用在夜裡想起你的冷漠而偷偷心傷

如果不喜歡你　就不用為了朋友捏造的流言而尷尬無措

如果不喜歡你 就不用因你的誤會而擔心不安

如果不喜歡你　就不用憂心自己在你眼中多麼沒有價值

如果不喜歡你　就不用記得你是讓我第一個掉淚的男孩

偏偏我就是喜歡你。。。
所以以上的傻事我都做過了。。
但在另一端的你會知道嗎？？？
我是你的傻瓜嗎？？？？


说了又不听
听了又不懂
不懂又不问
问了又不做
做了又做错
错了又不认
认了又不改
改了又不服
不服有不说
meiping || 4:00 AM

=)

一生中10件无能为力的事
1 、倒向你的墙：也许这面倒向你的墙，让你无法呼吸，也许会让你失去一切，但是如果沉默的接受，那么，倒向你的还是那面墙，如果你挺起肩膀，抬起头来你会发现很多事情不是向我们想象的那么糟。

2、 离你而去的人：离你远去的人，是他失去了你，不是你失去了他。离开，也许是为了下个路口的更好的重逢。

3 、流逝的时间：时间比水流失的还要快，所以想做的事情就去努力，人这辈子，至少自己得对得起自己。

4、 没有选择的出身：有人天生的就是王，有人天生的就是贵族，但是很多人天生的就是平凡，这个世界上，没有什么不可以改变的东西，尤其你想改变的话。

5 、莫名其妙的孤独：不管达观还是拘谨，无论高贵还是卑微，谁都可能遭遇孤独的感觉，常常深深地萦绕在不为人所知的寂寞的情怀中。

6、 无可奈何的遗忘：很多我们以为一辈子都不会忘记的事情，就在我们念念不忘的日子里，被我们遗忘了。

7 、永远的过去 ：一秒就成为了下一秒的过去，既然很多东西注定要失去的，那么，我们唯一可以做到的就是不轻易忘记。

8、 别人的嘲笑：嘴长在别人的身上，耳朵在自己身上，说不说，是他们的事情，听不听，是你自己的事情了,我们要学会微笑的面对这一切。

9 、不可避免的死亡：生命是个过程，死亡只是必然的结果，但轨迹是自己的色彩和温度，既然不可避免，那么就更无所畏惧。

10 、无可救药的喜欢：一种很甜的毒药，戒不掉的东西，但喜欢终究是喜欢，不是爱。

生活中，并不是自己努力就一定什么都可以的。很多时候，我们也会觉得自己无能为力。不只是你，也不只是我，大家都一样。知道时间不可能停留，就没有必要伤春悲秋；知道感情不可能刻意，就不会为了谁寻死觅活；知道遗忘总是必然的，就不会为一时的忘却伤感；知道过去始终是存在的，就没有必要遮掩和炫耀；知道孤独总是如影随形的，就不会在某一些时刻难以自制；知道死亡总是在将来的某一刻，就能好好把握现在能做好的。；知道这些，就不必勉强为难自己，心放开了，就什么都好了。心放淡一点，再淡一点，没有那么多给自己设置的心结，心境也就平和了。

-------------------------------------------

1、不要在流眼泪的时候做任何决定，情绪负面的时候说话越少越好。

2、不要去反复思考同一个问题，不要把所有的感情都放在一个人身上，你还有父母，有朋友。

3、不要害怕做错什么，即使错了，也不必懊恼，人生就是对对错错，何况有许多事，回头看来，对错已经无所谓了。

4、有负面情绪是正常的，但是自己一定要知道，要明白这只是生活的一小部分，在其余时间里，要尽量的让情绪平稳起来。 　　

5、那个人，突然不联系你了，很正常;那个人，突然又联系你了，也很正常，这什么也不说明。

6、如果不懂，就说出来，如果懂了，就别说，笑笑即可。 　　

7、一切的烦恼都是自找，因此也只能自己解决，不要找朋友哭诉，找他们去打球。

8、说过的话一定要做到，即使是很蠢的话，再蠢也比言而无信好。 　

9、无论发生怎样的变故，不要打破生活原有的规律，要按时吃饭，按时睡觉。

10、不要去害怕做一件事，不要害怕触景伤情，不要害怕说错话，不要害怕想起过去，不要害怕面对未来。

11、无论是对是错，你需要有一个准则，你的行为应该遵循这个准则，并根据现实生活不断的修正。反反复复优柔寡断的人，是不可能讨人喜欢的.在对错之间徘徊的人，形象不如从错到对的人正面。 　　

12、当他说：“让我们冷静一段时间好吗？”的时候，要冷静的说好，然后挂掉电话。不要哀求，他不是来征求你的意见的。 　　

13、不要把心底的话全掏出来，这些是只属于你的财富。 　　

14、不要和一个人和他议论同一个圈子里的人，不管你认为他有多么可靠。

15、当你不知道和他说什么的时候，那就什么也不要说，沉默有无限种含义。 　

16、不要追求什么结果，每个人结果都一样，就是死亡。 　　

17、不要后悔，无论怎样都不要后悔，后悔的情绪比你所做错的事更加可怕，因为这会摧毁你的自信，自尊以及很有可能让你去做一件更错的事。

18、无论遇到什么事情，都要对自己说：这是正常的。而不要说：我怎么这么倒霉？或是：他怎么这样？那些遇到汶川地震，911或印尼海啸的人很多都没有机会抱怨了。比起他们，生活中的一些波折都是正常的，今天也许你的男朋友离你而去，你会觉得自己是世界上最惨的人，但是别忘了也许这世上同时有几十万个姑娘和你有着同样的遭遇，只是你不知道而已。

19、不要担心嫁不出去，更不要因为年纪大了草率结婚，担心嫁不出去总比担心老公出轨要离婚，小三抢财产要好.担心嫁不出去只是担心而已，心情好了还照样过原来的日子，老公真要离婚那才是真的麻烦。 　　

20、一定要明白，自己所做的一切都是为了追寻一种状态，一种自我的满足感和幸福感.不要害怕什么，这世上可供害怕的事太多了，你是害怕不完的。有事情，就解决，不能解决，那就拉倒。

21、最后一条，女人想过得好一些，还是要走内在男人化，外在女人化的路啊！

---------------------------------------

十六种寂寞，总有一种属于你
（一）

我微笑着，冷漠地看着身边的每个人，那是一中歇斯底里的微笑，两种极端的交点。

我已忘了怎样去哭。

一个人坐在角落里，我面无表情地笑着冰冷的墙壁，汲取着手中热茶的唯一一点热量。

看着嬉笑的人群，依旧微笑，我的悲伤和眼泪没人发觉。
　
（二）
　
血不断从手上的伤口中涌出来，我忘了痛，任新鲜的血液一滴滴地坠落在地板上。突然，我发现自己的血不是鲜红色的，它的颜色与寂寞相同。

我已忘了寂寞的颜色。

（三）

我与寂寞同一国度，这或许是我的宿命。黑暗里我点起一支蜡烛，昏黄的火焰轻轻地跳动着，那是寂静的心跳。蜡烛然尽，黑暗吞噬了我，吞噬了一 切，没有反抗，没有挣扎。

我早已习惯了漆黑一片。

独自走在深夜无人的街，我的世界仍然只有我自己，寒冷和无奈悄悄地蔓延，我与痛苦为伍，与寂寞相伴。

（四）
　
沸腾的白开水不停地冒着热气，我呆呆地看着它，手里的香烟不知道何十已经燃尽，思绪一点一点地飞离我的身体。

我问自己在想什么？

我还能做什么？

不断地问着自己，没有回答。

我已经习惯了质疑自己。

没有思想，却有呼吸，清晰地呼吸，我可以听得见自己心跳的声音。有力地一下一下，我到底还是活着的。
　
（五）

打开电脑，听见鼠标和键盘在宁静的夜里发出清脆的声音。qq上没有人。突然有人要求通过身份验证，在她的自我介绍一栏，我看见了一句颇有道理的话："因为无聊所以上网，上了网却更寂寞！"

毫不犹豫地，我握着鼠标按下了"通过验证"，然后下线，关闭了电脑。躺在床上，双眼望着天花板，不停想着那句话。

原来，我早已习惯了无聊。
　
（六）
　
我的生命没有意义，我的生活没有快乐，因为无奈，由于无情。没有目标，我以自己独特的方式活着，活在自己的世界中。

走在路上，不去理会那些指点和冷眼，我依然从容坚定地向前走着，脸上还是挂着莫名的微笑。生命中的过客，何必念念不忘，那你是否也只是我的过客？想起你，我收起笑容，停下了脚步，抬头看看天，不是蓝色的，是寂寞的颜色。

亲爱的，我无法强迫自己不去想你。
　
（七）
　
窝在转椅上，习惯性的点燃一 支香烟，久违的思绪侵袭着我。桌上放着一个手表和一 张相片，我没有去碰它们，闭上眼睛，感受着香烟带给我的寂寞。

我已习惯了封闭自己。

冰冷的手上忽然感觉到了温暖，原来是滚烫的泪水，我以为自己早已没有了眼泪。
　
（八）
　
天使有翅膀，我没有，所以我不是天使。

魔鬼有魔力，我没有，所以我不是魔鬼。

我有的，是无奈、绝望和孤独的自由。

心底的希望和绝望激烈地斗争着，获胜的却是无奈。我已学会了接受无奈，向无奈妥协。


天使的缺点是太善良，魔鬼的缺点是太邪恶，我的缺点是太懦弱。
　
（九）
　
轻轻地闭上眼睛，使劲、贪婪地呼吸着没有你的空气。是自由？还是思念？我无法回答自己，原来没有你的空气如此地稀薄。

我也学会了去适应空气的稀冷。

笑过、哭过、吵过、闹过，如今我需要的，只是冷漠。
　
（十）
　
明媚的阳光透过窗子，暖暖地照在我的身上。睁开眼睛，用手挡了挡刺眼的光线，蒙上被子，我准备继续被打断的美梦。

美梦一旦被惊醒便无法在延续。气恼地从床上坐起身来，双手支着头，我的头发凌乱地垂了下来。梦醒了。我对自己苦笑着摇摇头，带着绝望去接受现实，去迎接毫无意义的新的一天。

我已习惯了一成不变的生活。

（十一）
　
"背影是真的，人是假的，没什么执着，一百年前你不是你，我不是我，悲哀是真的，泪是假的，本来没因果，一百年后没有你也没有我。"

恍惚之间我仿佛看见了你，伸出手，却只触碰到一片空白。我知道，一百年后你依然会是你，只是少了我的思念。
　
（十二）
　
风吹乱了我的头发，我不在意，慢慢地走在寒冬的街头。我麻木地移动着，有点模糊，隐隐约约看见你在我的前方，一步一步向前，你却离我越来越远。

我拼命地向你狂奔，知道你在我的眼前消失。停下脚步大口大口地喘着粗气，我开始笑，笑自己的傻，笑自己的愚蠢。

（十三）
　
房间里，书本堆满了整个桌子，我坐在堆积如山的书本面前，叹了口气。沉默了片刻，我突然站起来，伸手抓过那些令人乏味的破书，用力地朝四周的墙上扔去，然后把自己重重地摔在床上。

许久，我起身把那些书一本一本拾起来，重新放到桌子上，无可奈何地笑笑，把自己埋进了书堆。
　
（十四）
　
坐在转椅上，我把脸深深地埋进自己的臂弯，眼泪竟这样涌了出来。我不断做着深呼吸，企图平抚心里的波动，可我控制不了自己。

（十五）
　
我卸下了虚伪的微笑，摆出一张疲倦的脸。对你的眷恋依旧，我以学会了隐藏，却学不会将我的爱收回。

(十六)

我依然是我自己。追忆中的种种关于你.将哭不出的眼泪化作努力，分开的天空让彼此染出彩色.喜欢大雨淋透我身的感觉`~ 这时就可以让烦劳，孤独，寂寞统统洗刷掉~~~~

我的生活依然一如既往地平静，唯一的波动就是想你时的泪水。

　

诱惑，我们的距离以光年计算。

---------------------------------------
如今的我生活好象在演戏
说着言不由衷的话
总是拿着微不足道的成熟来骗自己
总是莫名其妙感到一阵的空虚

烦恼因人而有，仇恨因爱而生。。。

没有解决不了的事，只有不想被解决得。。。


MUHAHA! super duper long post..
haha.. in the mist of doing my assignment the loading is so darn long..
so i suft the net and *poof* i found these.. keke!
ENJOY!
meiping || 3:39 AM

Busy busy! Having such a hetic weekend! In total chaos state now.. =.=!
So many things to do, and yet so little time~
*Faints*
Currently
6 assignments on hand..
3 wedding dinner to attend..
2 birthday coming up..
2 farewell party..
All these events is going to burn and has burnt a very big hole in my pocket. =(
Now is Money Never Enough, not Money Not Enough le.. hahas.

That's all for now..
Will try to blog again..
Ciaos..
meiping || 7:59 PM

i guess, im reaching the limit already..
i really cant hold on anymore..
maybe it is time to really end it..
but before that, i need to work my plan out first..
if i can tahan for the past 1yr.
i believe a few more month wont kills. =)
watch out for me..
im so sick of myself for crying.
im so sick of the tearing more then u are.
do u think tearing is just like opening a tap?
hahaha. no.. trust me.. i hate it more then u..
i get more fan then u do..
u wan a simple life? dont tell me that, becoz no ones want a simple life more then i do. and dont ask me to define simple life for u..
coz such a simple thing to u is a such a diffcult task..
tsk tsk tsk..
u are such a disgrace..
and seriously, all that u are doing are making me hate u.
please cont to do it..
let all the love turn into hate..
and i will thanks u for it.
i really will be so thankful for it!
come on and try me..
push me to my limit if tts ur plan..
lets see who is able to win this game in the end.
u wan try my level of limit? haha.. we shall see..

alright! im out of here for tonight! ^^
meiping || 11:10 PM

Been almost a month since my last update.
And i just found out, the host for my old blog img has been removed.
Sad to say, i didnt save the background img for backup.
I kinda of like tt background img, simple and nice. =)
Some more it moves! But too bad, i couldn't find any nice blogskins like the previous one. This is the best that i could find.
Hmm.. Actually, nothing special about this skin too.

School working is piling up, high high up to the celling!
Time to clear the work soon. =)
School has been pretty good to me, classmates are so helpful when it comes to attendance marking, they are pretty nice! Thanks~

I caught a couple of movies this month, nice movies.
waiting for 'the ugly truth' hope it will be nice too.

Oh, i remembered celebrating weijun's 21th birthday!
bought a cake and went down Bishan Park's Explorer ( no very sure of the name )

人生如戏,戏如人生
this 8 word is so true..
i just felt that my life is like a drama.
a drama with a script that has not been completed yet.
im like the actoress with no idea what is coming up next.
makes me feel so insecure.
i wanna a normal life more then anyone else in the world.
i really do.
it just keep getting worst, instead of better..
sometime i will just keep thinking that it was a bad dream only.
once im awake, everything will be back to normal.
but weird huh, i never seems to be able to wake up from the dream.
it makes me so tired.. =(
meiping || 10:15 PM

crazy crazy crazy...
going insane soon?
haha..

why do i keep thinking about the past recently?
why do the past memories keep haunting me..
hmmm.. is it regrets?
but why do i feel regrets out of the sudden?
i always thoughts that im good with this kind of stuffs..
once decision is made i wont regret..
but suddenly, the past just flash thru..
reminding me of so much stuffs..
if the decision in the past was to leave..
how will things be now?
will my life be better? or worst?
just so irony..

nowadays so much weird thing keep happening..
why why why? so much why again..
dam.. hate it...
maybe it is good to stay away from the crowd for sometime..
clear mind...
stop myself from thinking about all these..

bored...
=(
meiping || 3:10 AM

有时候问自己， “值得吗？”
得到的答案又不确定。

选择了相信， 得来的却是一次又一次的失望。
选择了放弃， 又不舍得。
选择继续， 又怕受到伤害。

这个考验， 真的太难了。

--------------------------------

I'm not ready for this... I'm not.. Not at all ready..
Mentally nor physically prepared.. I didn't see it coming at all..
It happened so fast, out of nowhere, without any warning..
How did it happened? Why did it happened?
So many question marks to all these stuff..
And most weird is HOW can it happen?
It seems totally out of question..
I have no idea how in the hell am i gonna handle it?
All i know is to avoid, avoid and avoid..
I know i'm running away from it, avoiding thing won't solve the problem.
But u can't blame me, am totally clueless!
This is the first time i encounter such stuff..
Someone tell me what should i do?
Can't there be only friendship between a man and a woman?
I always believe it is possible to maintain a pure friendship.
Well, at least it is now still growing strong... Jiewei and Me..
The kind of pure friendship... It is so hard to find and maintain..
Never mind, i will still have faith in the pure friendship between man and woman..
As long as my friendship with Jiewei stand.. I will believe in it.. ^^
*jiayou to myself*
Really hope this thing will come to an end soon..
=(
Don't wish anymore of this shit to happen..

dead tired
mentaly..
go, went, gone..
end of this post..
meiping || 1:57 AM

I actually have a lot of stuffs to write down..
A lot of feelings, thinking and thoughts.
But when i really open up this page, and begin typing i'm lost for words.
Weird huh? Haha..
Anyway, school has already started for me..
Trying my best to mix around with my classmates.
Hope thing goes well.. =)

I really don't know what's in the relationship that im looking for.
i mean, maybe im lost? Haha..
There are other guys whom are so much better.
I know, and seen. Maybe more, ever since i started to stick to my feeling.
Not being controlled anymore by Anto.
I manage to know more friends, met more people.
But, im still not ready for a new relationship.
I don't mean, break with Anto and straight away start a new relationship.
What i mean is, after Anto, i doubt i will get into relationship.
I don't want another guy to mess up my life anymore.
I want to be in control, i believe in future, i will be stronger.
Time allows ones to grows and mature.
Time allows ones to see through the surface of everything..
Time allows ME to learn the lesson.
Have a break, have a kit-kat! Enjoying my freedom now. =)

Mixed feeling is making thing worst, why do i feel more and more fan gan by her.
Everything she does just makes me feel so, even if it for my own good, or like what other says, she just care.
But i just dislike it.
I'm biase. Freaking, fucking biase, i dont deny that, and i won't..
Haha..
Im evil, im the devil.. =)

Crazy as it might sound, i miss u..
Am i going through the stage of puppy love? HAHA!
What a nice thinking, puppy love? HA..HA..HA..
The biggest joke is, i haven even met u in real before..
This is so fucking crazy..
Argh, forget this.. -.-
Im going crazy.. =p
meiping || 1:43 AM

Super Dupar long entry! Just words and words as usual =)

BOO! 2 weeks of holiday just ended like that!
Haha.. I doubt i made good use of the 2 weeks holiday.. =(
Been staying home for most of the time!
BORING! 快闷死了!
Well, don't have the usual drinking and mahjong-ing session too!
Okay, maybe just one drinking and mahjong session.. =p

Let me recall some of the events..
I remembered going to Neverland with anto..
I will always remember it! AARON!
Met up with Lance and co.
Slack there till almost 2am.
Have to leave earlier due to some stuff.. Dont worry, not those kind of lians and bengs too..
AND! Aaron puked! Puking is alright, but it kena me! =((
Lucky i was wearing dress instead of jeans that day.. =.=!

Must be wondering why there is anto's name again right?
We are back together, but, oh well, thing is different now..
I don't know how to pin it down, but it is different already..
Not that i dont love him, or he dont love me..
It is just different..
I still love this quote ' Nothing will be the same again! '
HAHA! Sound very 熟 hor! =p

But nevertheless, im happy? i guess im..
Not due to the patch..

Next thing is mahjong session yesterday at yl's house..
Woots! Super hard-core..
hahas.. Everyone is feeling kinda of 困!
But we still 挨 untill morning!

Oh ya! I took my oath/vow whatever u call it.. =)
Waiting for my passport now!
I wanna eat Kenny Roger at City Square~ ANYONE WANT? LOL
Craving for seafood too! Stingrays, Kang Kong, Sotong, Prawns, CHILLI CRAB at the back alley too! =p
Been going down to Liang Court almost every day..
I swear im getting sick of bus 54 and Jap food soon!
YES! Very soon! >.
Did i mention holiday is ending? =(
Tml will be the 1st day of school, am so discourage by the timing of the lesson..
Argh! Worst time-table ever!!!! =((
Just hope it will be a better term..
要加油了!　＾．＾

meiping || 2:20 PM

Just when i though everything was perfect, it wasn't.
It wasn't even close to perfect at all.
Trust lies on a thin line......
To trust or not to trust.......
Worth trusting anot is another thing...

If you can’t get someone out of your head, then maybe they’re supposed to be there.

'Cause I'm sick of the stabbing, I'm sick of the breaking, I'm sick of the bleeding until we fall down -- sick of this circle of death that we dance through again and again. Just lay me in the ground; let's fall asleep together. Hold me darling because I'm scared ... and I can't do this alone

You’d think after all this time, I’d be over you. I actually was … but then, like you promised, we were together again for a while … and everything came rushing back – the memories, the kisses, the fun – and I just fell, all over again.

Not much updates, just some quotes. =) enjoy!

today marks an end of 1st term for school.. =)
so fast, its already the last day of july!
2 month has past ever since school started..
=)
2 week breaks and everything will be back the same again..
it would be school school school again...
2nd term's time table is making me pretty sad i guess.. =(
sigh... i prefer the 1st term time table.. even tot i have to wake up in the morning..
well im fine with the morning lesson... in fact it is so much better..

reading is good..... love reading........ =))
indulge ~ enjoy ~ immense ~ relax ~
hmmm i guess i will be willing to spend my whole money pocket money buying books!
cope myself at home everyday and bury myself with books..
not school book.. just storybooks... =))
ah.. new interest, some chi novel manage to catch my eyes!
haha.. busy reading it now.. keke... <3~
meiping || 1:21 PM

朋友之上,恋人为满..

哈哈..
好难把心定下来好好的读书啊!
真讨厌.. =(
也不知道为何.. 闷死了啦!
啊! 也好烦! 烦死了!
=(
真的真的好厌倦一些事..
最近的食粮和睡眠也差了..
快成仙了吧 呵呵~
meiping || 2:30 AM

haven been updating my blog for quite sometime i guess..
things been fine... not to the extend of great..
hmmm i finally bought myself an Itouch.. 16GB.. =)
with support from friends too.. keke..
thanks alot...
last week has been busy with school, nah infact, everyweek am busy with school?
haha.. no idea...
but i haven been home for days that why i didnt blog at all..
and when im home, most of the time i will be sleeping..
late nights out with friend drinking, slacking and mahjong-ing..
i walking back to my past style..
late nights out.. enjoying myself..
oh i remembered going to the night safari too.. its like finally.. =))

am running out of thing to blog in fact..
arg crap...
i guess this will be a dusty blog once again.. haha..
dont bother to stay tune to my updates anymore guys...
^^

with loves..
meiping || 12:04 AM

i guess im holding on pretty well.. =))
i haven tear for a couple of days already..
or maybe i have grown numb..
but somehow, at some point of time, my heart still aches..
i don't know abt that...
all i know, is, everything i do, its envolves around him...
somehow i guess... its still connected...
im trying hard to cut away the connected line...
meiping || 11:30 PM

i have no idea, what has gotten into me...
everything i do or thinks are so weird..
its nt logical at all..
i m like this in the past...
whats happening?
friends are confused, but im more confused..
why am i changing to such a person in such a short time?
i cant locate myself at all..
where am i....
this is fking hard..........
dam hard.....................
i so tired and sick.......

drink drink drink....
smoke smoke smoke....
pub pub pub..........
ton ton ton..........
dead dead dead.......
gone gone gone.......

i really wish, i can be like those heartless girl out there..
forgetting abt the relationship within hours and day...
it seems so easy, but its so hard when u have to do it....
someone pls teach me how.....
to put everything down...
i dont like this 'me'
i hate myself......
i hate myself so much nowaday, nth i do seems to make me happy...
i get upset over lil stuffs...
i get fed-up over small issue..
i cry over nothing...
i get lots of mood swings......
i cant get myself to focus on the right stuff..
i have been hurting my friends..
i have been neglecting friends....
i know what its happening, but i doesnt seems to be able to make a change..
and i know, its like excuses.....
sigh.......
i dont know what is becoming of me.....

another night out.......
lonely night..........
meiping || 7:50 PM

vola~
alright, i wide awake right now. =)
feel so refresh.. hopefully i wont be dozing off in class later on.
fell asleep earlier on with my laptop on! =p
i was pretty shagged out the past few days..
still trying to nurse myself back to normal..

let me recall,
2th july, thursday i supposed?
it end.. will it be a clear cut break up or anot?
i have no idea..
day alone, without him, gave me alot of mixed feelings.
i wonder are they all real feeling, or it it just being emotional.
i guess i have been taking the breakup pretty well..
or in a much mature ways compare to the past..
good thing i guess.

anyway, i wasn't home for the past few days.
and when im home, i will be sleeping..
was out slacking and mj-ing..
thats all i guess.

yst had lesson at shenton way..
830am to 530pm. its so hard core..
i almost die from it.. =.=!
after the lesson, met up with my dar, karen and cailing..
=)
been ages since the last time we all met up..
together in a group.. haha..
lots of secondary school memories!
<3
reached home before 12.. thats all i guess.

this week would be a busy week for me..
school everyday! =(


i hate myself for loving u so much..

its like a never ending complication.. the myriad of untold truth..
meiping || 5:11 AM

there is so many time when i feel like crying out loud..
really just cry and do nothing..
but i dont want to cry alone..
sigh...
i really hopes the tears will stop soon...
im tired of crying myself to bed, and wake myself up with swollen eyes.
its tiring to go through it almost every nights.
whats happening?
whirling and spinning.. it happened so fast..
im still trying to adjust to it..
its so difficult! but im still trying..
i really am.. but its so hard...
and im so tired out already..
i just wish everything was a nightmare..
that i can just forget the moment i wakes up.
this is hard.... tmd hard...
i guess, i was too used relying on others.
and when one left, i falls.. a hard and fast fall..
i need to get use to singlehood..
i need to put him off his mind..
however, everything i do remind me of him..
every place i go, every thing i do, every words i say..
it will somehow be linked to him..
its like the wound kept being teared open and open, over and over again..
how can i ever recover from it..
and the worst thing is, i felt that he is enjoying himself outside.
playing and fooling around, i dont feel tt he felt any hurts or pain about the breakup.
everything he said was nothing but lies.
i should haven given up long ago...
i should..... why didnt i....

i need a hug...
a tight hug.. coz i dont want to cry alone, in the long night..
i fear night....
it makes me feel more upset and lonely...
sighs....
meiping || 5:14 PM

3yrs 1month and 5days.
fullstop.
everything seems to turn into dust.

什么也不想做...
也不知道要做什么..
心好痛...
泪水也不受控制的在流...

im so lost without you, for the past 3yr i was so used to having u by my side..
always putting u in the 1st place..
now everything has ended, im so lost..
everything has be start from scratch again..
im so tired of it.. sighs..
why there isnt a delete button? delete everything away..
mend the mistakes and hurts.
whats happening.. everything seems to in a whirl, spinning and turning..
i guess i haven been out of love for quite sometime..
not used to it ba..
give me sometime, i hope i will get use to it soon..
soon, i really hope as soon as possible..
i hate crying.. it makes my eye swollen..
=((
dislikes.. hates..
meiping || 2:28 AM

I hold no expectation anymore.
if u are gonna make me cry, at least be the one to wipe away the tears.
be the one to clean up the mess u made.
I don't want other guys to clean up the mess for u.
i feel guilty about it.
i feel that it is not right and fair to others.
the other cares for me from the bottom of their heart.
it hurts them when im sad, but does it hurts u?
or do u even get bother by it?
I really doubt so.
I have no idea what has gotta into me.
Nothing seems to be able to catch my interests nor make me laugh.

For once in 3 yrs.
I finally decided to get myself something i WANT not need.
past 3 yrs i only buy what i needs and not want.
even if i like that thing very much i gave it a miss.
but i decided, i should pamper myself too.
not only him.. coz he doesn't deserve it i guess.
so much effort i put in to save every penny and cent for his gifts.
even if im nt working i try to give him the best i can afford..
get him what he wants and needs.
i haven really been buying things for myself for quite sometime.
i only get what i needs...
im stupid. =.=!

well.. well.. well..
the 1st thing i want is a Itouch, but somehow it is also a need for me. =.=
next i wanna save for a new laptop.. ^^
than a vacation~

guides...
advises...
meiping || 1:36 PM

have a short summary for the weeks.. =)
right after my bday was my darling gal's xuefen bday!
intend to go ice-skating, but it was fully packed..
changed to bowling!
we had 11 games of bowling.. cool hur?
11 games =.=!
earlier on, maybe weeks ago? i sort of injured my old injury..
but after the bowling session it got worst!
hahas.. i have a pig hand now.. =p
on wrist wrap and wrist guard now.. hopefully it will recover soon..
anyway, after the bowling session went for dinner..
went to the famous amk chilli crab! woots! dam nice!
two thumbs up! ^^
had mj aftermaths..

the rest of the week seems to fast forward..
seems so busy and packed with stuff..
but i dont really remember what i was busy with.. >hahas..
i remembered i had alot of mj session..
hmmm........
thats all i guess...

baby, tell me how can i ever trust u wholeheartly again?
tell me, teach me, guide me...
why not, tell me what are worth trusting?

ps : thanks boy for the company. =)

meiping || 3:32 AM

baby, friends kept asking me why I keep on loving you when it's clear that you don't feel the same way for me... the problem is that as much as I can't force you to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you. i don't know what else i should right now.
sighs..

im stupid...
yes, im...

restless...
heartless..
meiping || 4:31 AM

Have you ever been hurt and the place tries to heal a bit, and you just pull the scar off of it over and over again.

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.

...Lost in your heart, lost in your eyes
Lost every day, no map to follow
Entire days, weeks, a blur
Flickers of light, in the darkness,
Only to be enveloped in shadows once more...

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

If you're going to make me cry, at least be there to wipe away the tears.

Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him.

I wonder, when you look into my eyes and watch my heart shatter, does it break your heart too, even crack it a little bit?

I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy, I’m going to laugh, so you don’t see me cry, I’m going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me - I’m going to smile.

There's a girl in my mirror crying tonight, and there's nothing I can say to make her feel all right.

It's always the same in every relationship, there is always one person crying and wishing to get back together, while the other doesn't even remember the things they've been through. I hate that I have to be the one who remembers every little detail while you can't seem to remember me at all.

Sometimes you think you've gotten over a person, but when you see him smile you suddenly realize you're just pretending you're over him to ease the pain of knowing that he will never be yours.
meiping || 4:13 AM

i have no idea, what the fcuk i'm doing..
i lost the sense of everything..
sigh..

arghs........

i hate this feeling...
what's becoming of me already...

craziness........
crankiness........
meiping || 9:42 PM

bday is over.. officially 21 yr old already..
had 3 celebration.. 1 with kristy n co.. 2 with baby and co.
no celebration with family..
that's all i guess..
sat was anto's granny bday..
had dinner at Owen's place..
was like having a wedding dinner..
10 course meal.. faints..

i don't know what else to blog already..
or what can be blog, what cannot be blog..
i don't feel that this is MY blog anymore..
i have to be so caution of what i types..
boring..

shifting, moving, changing..

i need a break...
meiping || 9:37 PM

im lost...
why am i so hem and haw when it comes to this..

gone....
meiping || 11:18 PM

Yeah
I’ve been so lost lately
I don’t really understand baby
Where did i go wrong
I wanna talk to you
Please call
Where do i begin with you
After all that we’ve been through
I don’t think that it would be right if we
Got together so suddenly
I wish that i could take back all the things that i said
And replace them with simply i love you instead

You don’t wanna say goodbye
But you never really seem like you wanna try
But i only wanted you to stay
Then i let you just slip away
If you didn’t listen to your heart inside
Then it really doesn’t matter what was on your mind
And if you need me then tell me why
Girl, i never meant to say goodbye
Mmm oh yeah
I think about the past baby
Why we couldn’t make it last, lady
I know you still have doubts
But i’m gonna prove that we can work things out
I wanna be sure that you know what you put me through
And reveal that you intend to never let me down again
It’s clear to me and i can’t ignore
That i have to give you something i couldn’t before

You don’t wanna say goodbye
But you never really seem like you wanna try
But i only wanted you to stay
Then i let you just slip away
If you didn’t listen to your heart inside
Then it really doesn’t matter what was on your mind
And if you need me then tell me why
Girl, i never meant to say goodbye

I didn’t think that we would come to this
Ooh, no
Your eyes, your face, your smile is what i miss
Why’d you wait so long to take me back
It’s all a simple misunderstanding

You don’t wanna say goodbye
But you never really seem like you wanna try (never wanna try)
But i only wanted you to stay
Then i let you just slip away
If you didn’t listen to your heart inside
Then it really doesn’t matter what was on your mind
And if you need me then tell me why
Girl, i never meant to say goodbye

You don’t wanna say goodbye
But you never really seem like you wanna try (but i never meant to say)
But i only wanted you to stay
Then i let you just slip away
If you didn’t listen to your heart inside (never meant to see you cry, never meant to say)
Then it really doesn’t matter what was on your mind
And if you need me then tell me why
Girl, i never meant to say goodbye
meiping || 12:48 AM

Lets start from Saturday..
woke up around 2pm, but stayed on my bed till 4pm..
went over to baby's house around 4plus..
slacked and chilled till it was time for dinner..
baby's dad drove us to queentown's town Zhou Zhung for dinner..
it wasn't the best, but overall not bad.. =)
this time round the bill came up to another 200 plus.. treat from baby's dajie.
after dinner went ikea with baby's family...
walked around till around 10pm..
baby's dajie drove us to Liang Court. thanks!
met up with bunch of people at partyworld.
people presents were, baby, me, yanling n bf, hua, xf, milo, laoeh, kelly n bf, and not forgetting alfie! we sang from around 11pm till 530am! woots~
finish one bottle that night..
hmmm, i guess 3/4 is by me.. =p
went geylang to have breakfast before heading back to baby's house..
thanks everyone for coming! =))
thanks thanks thanks~

sunday woke up around 1pm..
slack on the bed with baby till he wakes up..
around 3pm order pizzahut and started packing his house...
we only pack the dinning area.. and it took us almost the rest of the day!
hmmm.. baby, me, dajie, dajie's bf and dajie's friend..
5 of us, and yet it still took us soooo long!
and and and, its not done yet! omg~ *faints*
so god dam messy la.. super bth already!
we threw away lots of stuffs.. but there is still alot..
=.=!!
anyway, went home around 11pm..
thats all i guess..

hmmm.. should i, or should i not get itouch? >.should i get the 8GB, 16GB or 32GB?


meiping || 12:38 AM

baby, its hurting me so badly..
this time round it really does hurts so badly..
i wish i could just die away from this pain...
slowly as times goes by, its eating me up..
i dont know how long more i can hold on to it..
both path is painful for me...
its cutting deep and hard into me...
if i choose to end the relationships, it will hurt me...
i know i will takes a long time to recover from it..
but if i choose to stay with u, im gonna get hurt too..
wads the point.. both path is the same ending..
cause baby, u never change... u never did change even for once...
i am waiting for u to change, like wad u said and promised..
but it never did come true.. even for once...
none...................
so i guess, even in the future it will not happens too..

sigh......
there is some part in me that feels kind of ' bu gan yuan'
i dont know why.. maybe, to me i put in so much effort, and all i get back was shit..
i hate this kind of feeling..
i just wish everything will goes away...

u are like my kite in air...
over the time, i have let lose too much of u..
till this day, u have already flown out of my sight......
its too late to tug back the line already....

---------------------------------------

jiewei, i miss u...
missing u so much that it could bring tears to my eyes..
every minute every seconds..
i just wish u were by my side...
like the past... always there for me...
i miss u....... i really do.......

-----------------------------------------

my bday wishes is that everyone around me, especially my family to be in the pink of health..
my 2nd wishes is to make it thru my degree!
as for my 3rd wishes.......... it will be in my heart....... =))

-----------------------------------------

in slient.. my heart bleeds........
it would be another scar..........

meiping || 1:50 AM

lets start from Saturday..
Sat morning woke up at 630am..
prepared and cab to school..
field trip! HSBC Tree Top Walk..
in actual fact we started the walk around 930am and ended around 130pm..
4 solid hours of walking.. >.<
dam shag can! argh...
hahas.. anyway, i was the 1st to complete the tree top walk trail, 1st to climb the tower and also 1st to reach the ending point!
weets! nice.. im powderful~~
i was so glad that we went for the Tree Top Walk Trail instead of another trail..
=.=! tree top walk trail was only around 3-4km..
the other trail was at least 7km! i walked tt trail before, i swear i almost die!
took cab home from there.. fell aslp while waiting for my hair to dry..

woke up around 10pm.. met baby for super late dinner..
went back home and changed..
boy came down to fetch me.. =) thanks!
it was a awesome night out..! one of the most happening night for me i guess? hahas..
its was my advance bday bash!
kristy, bb & bf, yaya & bf, boy, fred, jovan, sze qing and ah xiang was the guest present..
we had martell canon, moet, chivas, waterfall, graveyard, test tube, vodka, macallen, teq shots, absinthe. there was more, but i forgotten already..
in short 21 different kind of alchol.. that night expenses was all on boy..
the bill came up to a whooping 3k!
it was crazy! so many of us got wasted! we drank all the way till 630am..
left the pub around 7am.. boy sent me home.. thanks once again..
i was lucky, there wasnt the usual cakes smashing event.. awww... thanks alot guys! hahas..
i really enjoyed myself yst.. thanks for making everything possbile!
thanks for the presents too.. =))
love every single presents!
oh! nt forgetting the flowers.. pretty pretty roses and tulips.

special thanks boy for staying by my side the whole night,
accompanying me to drink, helping me to drink, making an effort to fetch me to and fro and watching out for me.. =) no words are able to express the feeling.. im touched..
not forget the others too!
u guys are my LOVE!

lets hope the 13th of june will be another happening night!

May all one can do is to hope to end up with the right regrets..

oh! wishlist! muhahas..
wanna know wad i wan right.. fine! i will tell u guys..
make sure u guys get it for me hor!
i want...
32GB iTouch,
Gucci Bag,
Coach Wallet,
LV sling bag,
Dior pouch,
Sony , purple limited edition laptop,
lots of CASH,
FCUK watch,
brand new Bed,
Air con for my room,
last but not least, how about a Prada Bag too?
MUHAHA! lalalala~
meiping || 11:55 PM

im back from drinking..
and to everyone's expectation i got drunk..
it was a awesome night out..
i didnt regret going down despite feeling sick. =)
ok, let me start from the start k.
i woke up for sch event..
went HSBC Tree Top Walk..
i was the 1st to cross the line, 1st to climb the tower, and 1st to reach the ending point.. =)
im powderful~~ muhahas...
its total madness alright! the sun was good to us.. cloudy cloudy~
which mean no sun burns! anyway we started our walk ard 930am?
and ended ard 130pm.. which means we walk for 4 solid hours!
it kinda of reminded me of secondary school..
during that period, actually i went for another trail.. with the schools and friend..
miss doing that actually.. =S
anyway, took a cab home and fell aslp while waiting for my hair to dry..
woke up due to hunger.. =p
met baby for dinner at blk 284..
went home bathe and changed..

boy came to fetch me, thanks for coming all the way down just to fetch me! =))
attendance for today gathering is : Kristy, Boy , BB n bf, YAYA n bf, ah fred, kok siang, jovan, kelvin, sze qing, ah xiang and jasen! thanks all for the the adavnce bday bash!
lets see, it was crazy!
coz its non-stop drinking.. -.-!
let me recall, i rem we had
2 bottle of canon, countless cups of teq shots, waterfall, absinthe, graveyard, test tub, moet, malt, macallen.. there was more.. but i couldnt rem the names..
hahas.. in short, there was 21 diff kind of alchol!
coz it was my 21th bday celebration.
they even bought my fav cake! <3~
not long after they sang the bday song, and cut the cake..
i got totally wasted, took a short nap.. woke up and cont drinking till 6am..
shoik! hmmm.. not only me got wasted! a couple got drunk too!
hahas.. everyone was high on alchol..
we ended the drinking at 630am..
went for early breakfast and boy sent me home.. =)

this night was possbile because u guys were there!
u all made it came true..

big big thanks to everyone.. and thanks for the roses and tulips.
and not forgetting boss for making everything possbile tonight..
last but not least, thanks you, for staying by my side all night long,
watching out for me.. accompanying me, helping me to drink...
making an effort to fetch me to and fro, and also ordering of the cakes and flowers..
im glad u kept ur promises of not buying a gift.. hahas..
everyone had fun..

i was kind of shocked that i still have the enegry to blog right now..
in fact, im kind of wide awake.. gonna have a serious hang over i guess..

May all one can do is to hope to end up with the right regrets..
meiping || 4:05 AM

its 530am right now..
and im still wide awake..
my body is tired... but mentally i just cant seems to sleep..
i tried.. i shut my eyes for an hour..
tossing here and there..
and im still wide awake..

my heart is aching...
its so unbearable...
i rather it be physical pain...
i cant seems to take this kind of heart aches and pains..
i really cant... =,(
as my bday comes nearer.. the pain double up..

P A I N
T E A R
A C H E
L O S T
L O N E
D E A D
D A W N
D U S K
G O N E
F A L L
H U R T
H A R D
S H A G
T I M E
H U G S
K I S S
L O V E
H A T E
W E A R
L I E S
G I V E
C A R E
F E E L
H E A L
S I G H

nights.......
meiping || 5:30 AM

my heart is set..
my heart should be set..
my heart must be set..

focus....
focus....
focus....

no more losing of self-control!
get a hold of myself!

=)

life will get better in times to come...
it will...

i miss the great old time...
where have my old self went to?
did i really changed that much?
to such extend?
did i changed for a better or worst?

avoiding is tiring...
but avoiding is for the better some time..
i do miss ur company...
but i cannot let things carry on too far..
needa to have a hang of it before thing goes out of hand..
im sorry my dear...

love me, and i will love u back...
this does not stands anymore..
love me and i will not love u back...
this is much better i guess?
why lets people in, when u know they are gonna hurt u..
some says its worth it, some says it is stupid..
well, it all depends on personal views and thinking i guess..
as for myself.. im still learning...
i hope i will be able to learn this lesson asap...
the faster i get the hang of thing..
the better thing will be...

unlease the craziness in me..
lets party... and have fun...
=)
meiping || 1:33 AM

randomness~

totally dam random..
just saw this on a blog the other day..
decided to blog it out here to share..
i don't know whose the org writer.. but credits to lean.. =)

Does anyone out there knows the 5 basic needs of man & woman?

I was told that it was statistically proven through divorce cases in US.

With the following basic needs, married couples can maintain their relationships better; hence lowering divorce cases.

Woman's 5 basic needs from her husband

1. Affection - he must show affection to her (eg: hug her, tell her he love her)
2. Honesty - he must be honest
3. She forgotten
4. Financial Support - He must be able to support her even if she's not working (though it dont really apply to all)
5. Conversation - heart to heart talk / talk on any topic cos woman loves talking

Man's 5 basic needs from his wife

1. Sex
2. Recreational Partner - he would love his wife to accompany him in his recreational activities (eg: he loves golf, he would want his wife to know how to play if not accompany him with the game)
3. She forgotten
4. Beautiful wife - something to do with his ego, anyway who doesnt wish to have a beautiful wife?
5. Compliments - Praises from their wife (eg: not to say them ugly/fat or any other hurtful words even as a joke; deep inside, those words do hurt..)

Apart from the above 5 basic needs, she also mentioned about love bank.

What's love bank?

In general, everyone has a love bank whereby all the transactions are in love units instead of money.

For the singles,

Their love bank has more than 1 love accounts whereby the opp sex who are interested in them will either deposit/withdraw love units from the account.

When someone did something you dislike, it will automatically withdraw its love units in your account & vice versa.

For married couples,

Their love bank has only 1 love account which belongs to their spouse. The above 5 basic needs would help the couple to deposit love units to their account.

However, in cases where the love units in the account becomes low, it gives another opp sex an apportunity to open an account in the bank to deposit love units. When the love units of the new comer overtakes the spouse's, it normally would result in extra martial issues or divorce cases.

---------------------------------------------------

not much updates on my life i guess..
everyday has been school and NLB..
that's all..
life is getting more n more boring..

*focus*

life is like a roller coaster ride..
full of ups and down..


meiping || 1:27 AM

CONTROL
meiping || 12:40 PM

i seriously do need to get a hold of myself..
=.=
but sometime when the limited is being reach, its beyond saving..
i don't know about others..
but at least i know about myself..
my level of limits and anger..
argh.
just count me out of the mess..
i really had enough..
im a GEMINI.......
i need my own freedom to do thing..
i like to do thing my way.. my own time , own target..
i don't owe my life to anyone.. beside my parents..
in fact, i don't think i owe my life even to them..
i own myself only..
i don't see a need for me to report to anyone about
where i am, who i am with, what i am doing all these crap..
if i feel like saying i will say.. i will reply, i will answer..
if i don't feel like, just stop it.. i don't know..
maybe its just personal feeling and issue..
i treat different people differently, i admit that..
but sometime its u, urself whom resulted in that..

i don't know how long i able to hold back all these feeling and emotion..
but trust me, once it reach the unbearable limit, don't blame me..
warning has been there..
sick and tired..

step by step...
slowly... moving...
hopefully it will reach soon...
cheers for me when the time has come..
give me a hug to smooth the pain...
give me a pat to encourage me...
meiping || 12:08 PM

Suppose I called you up tonight and told you that I loved you
And suppose I said "I wanna come back home".
And suppose I cried and said "I think I finally learned my lesson"
And I'm tired a-spendin' all my time alone.

If I told you that I realised you're all I ever wanted
And it's killin' me to be so far away.
Would you tell me that you loved me too and would we cry together?
Or would you simply laugh at me and say:

"I told you so, oh I told you so
I told you some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in
I told you so, but you had to go
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".

If I got down on my knees and told you I was yours forever
Would you get down on yours to and take my hand?
Would we get that old time feelin', would we laugh and talk for hours
The way we did when our love first began?

Would you tell me that you'd missed me too and that you'd been so lonely
And you waited for the day that I return.
And we'd live in love forever and that I'm your one and only
Or would you say the tables finally turned?

Would you say:

"I told you so, oh I told you so
I told you some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in
I told you so, but you had to go
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".

"Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".
meiping || 1:54 AM

=)

im back home from a wonderful dinner!
waited for baby to knock off.
he took time off today to celebrate our 3yr ann.
but thing never goes well for us.
never never never..
we had quite a tiff.
things didnt goes as planned..
so last min called hua down to amk for chilli crabs.
my fav food~ keke~
chilli crabs! yeaa~~~ ^^v
its was supposed to be my treat! no paying next time le hor!
thanks for ur specially framed gift hurhur. hahas
placed it at my table le. =p
everyday i will see it~~
baby bought me a DKNY watch for our 3yr ann.
thanks baby..

once again..
happy 3rd yr ann baby..
and
happy chi bday to myself. hahas.

hmmm... kok having some trouble right now..
hopes everything goes well for him..
i dont wan another friend in jail k..
i dont wan write letters!

in silent i pray for everyone safety...

nights peoples..
meiping || 1:47 AM

was it me that's drifting further away from u,
or was it that you have walk away from me?

its like a never ending complication..
the myriad of untold truth..

i don't know why am i still hanging on there naively,
waiting for a change or mircale?

im wondering if i can still do it..
taking all his shit and rubbish till my birthday.
why does my life always have so much shit stuffs happening?!
all i wanted was a stable relationship, a gd bf that pampers and loves me..
and be FAITHFUL to me.
the family is constantly giving me shits too..
what the fcuk is happening man.
i just want a simple family..
im slowly losing control of myself already.
losing my temper, my faith, my senses..
i guess its everything..
sometime i just wanna let lose of everything and be myself.
be no one but myself.. i miss childhood....
i really do miss... and in fact alot...
i miss the feeling of being carefree....

expectation really kills a person...
hahahaha...

meiping || 1:12 AM

just reached home not long ago.. *tired
was late for school yst.. =p
sch was boring.. have so many forms to fill in and have so much stuff to pay..
-.- school shirt cost 36buck for 2.. -.-!
the color is dam ugly can... zzzzz
just dont tell me i need to wear it when we go for our Tree Top Walk during june..
*prays*
anyway, after school cab down to Shangri-La Hotel..
reached there early and join chris at the Nadaman Restaurant first..
waited for baby and his family...
had a filling lunch.. but the food nt that nice, not worth the money..
the bill came up to a whooping $500+. hahas.
but we got 50% off, was baby's mom treat.. =p
after lunch chris drove us to Liang Court to make a booking at TamPoPo.
aftermath went back to J8. bought a slipper n belt.. =))
evening time, went down to Liang Court again!
the dinner at TamPoPo was speechless! nice food! ahahas.
love their scallop and egg~ nicenice~
the bills came up to another 300+ bucks. -.-!
this time round was baby's treat..
baby's dad drove us back home..
nua awhile , mickey came to pick us up..
head down to BQ..
poke balls again.. -.-!!
wads so nice about poking balls.. argh!
played 3 round of pool with mickey's gf.. -.-!
and the guys really do knw hw to play and throw their gf aside! idiotic! hate it! =((
stayed there till the shop closes.. -.-!
cab back to baby's hus and sleep! finally i get to sleep! =))

26th May 2009, today is my chinese bday.. =)
happy bday to myself!
26th May 2009 is also our 3rd yr ann..
happy 3rd yr ann baby..

3yrs... 3yrs already... cant believe that i spent 3yrs on this relationship..
all the efforts, tears and sorrow.. hahas..
im speechless... am always speechless...
just a matter of time... u turned my heart into a soild stone state already..
and i must really thanks you for it....

karma... =))
meiping || 1:04 PM

All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was a simple way to get over you
All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was an in-between to escape this desperate scene
Where every lie reveals the truth
Baby 'cause all I ever wanted
All I ever wanted was you
I'd rather walk alone
Don't wanna chase you around
Every way, every day, every minute
I've fallen a thousand times
For I let you drag me down

baby, im no longer expecting a change from u..
put it another way... i never expect much from u..
im just like every other girls.. who pins for a caring and loving bf..
nothing more beside that.. or maybe what i want is a man, not a boy like u.
i want my man to appreciate the thing i do and love me with no doubts.
i also want my man to give me the freedom i need..
i need the mutal understanding too!
but maybe all along i have been expecting too much?
is my expectation that high? sigh...
i dont know what else i can expect from this relationship beside holding on to the faith..
or maybe i been relying too much on u... its has become part of my life..
a kind of habit...u are like a drug to me.. im so addicted to u...
and right now, im trying to kick off this drug...
i have been trying for the past 1 year, but sad to say, maybe i didnt put in enough effort..
but i will keep trying... however each time i try, i failed..
cause ur words always bring me down whenever i thought im gonna make it..
ur words melts through my heart.. even though i have no idea is it right from ur heart...
all i knw is that u had my heart attached to a string..
but i will not give up...
cause each step i takes bring me closer to success..
i believe in that... one fine day, i will make it through...
all i need now is time...
i just hope u wont be like the others, cherish only when u are about to lose it...
sigh..
this the worst scenrio i could think of...

will we be able to have the happy ending?
no one knows... im clueless too...
afterall what i feel might be affected by my mood i guess..

losing faiths and hopes...
i have a bad feeling that this gonna be a hard fall for me...
just hope thing turns out fine...
no longer pin anymore hopes.....
what will be, will be....
and my heart is aching right now...

somehow i'm too affectionate & emotional i guess?

a hug for me my dear friend?
and a hug for my dears too....
thanks for the hugs my dears friends..
my dearest friends... i thank you for everything u have done for me...

silent prayers for everyone...

i am done for today...
heading for to bed soon..
hopefully im able to dream soon..
wait for me in lala land my friends..
i will join ur guys shortly...
a good dream for me please... =)


meiping || 1:34 AM

*edited*
I overslept today.. =(
missed school..
if i say my alarm didnt beeps u guys will say i having excuses.
so put it this way, im a sleeyhead k?
im so dam tired, even i slept at 1am!
i got tons of msg when i woke up..
lesson is at 830am! and i woke up at 830am..
bathed and got out of hus asap before mom wakes up..
called baby, waited an 1hr for him to prepare..
hate it when i have to wait for him...
i dont knw why, but if u ask me to wait for friends i dont mind.. =p
just personal feeling i guess?
had a drink with baby and he sent me home around 11am.
pack my laptop and went bugis.
went national lib to do some research for my assignment... =)
stayed there till 5pm..
aftermath had dinner at aijisan..
went to have a walk around some memories place...
its was a period of honeymood back than...
=)
i left not long, due to my heavy laptop..
took a bus home....

haven been drinkin for around a month i guess?
hahas actual fact i miss drinking!
but i need budget for the next few months.
missing money... + out going money... = BROKE!
hahas!
im fucking broke nw la.. and i hate this feeling...
never felt this broke before.. never felt this kind of betray too...
its part of life i guess?
side note!
i have a bunch of idiots friends! hahas! dam idiotic friends!
whom said that im full of crap.. -.-!
seriously need to tone down can?!
cut down the expenses of drinking.. =)
everything is about money...
=.=!!

i wonder what life have on hold for me...
but what i know is, each step i takes will lead me closer to success.
meiping || 1:16 AM

they said i changed a lot over the past 3 years..
did i?
totally have no idea...
i just hope that i have changed for the better? =)
meiping || 8:46 PM

meiping || 2:15 AM

feeling vexed right now..
no words can describe how im feeling right now...
im losing faith in the family already...
and where on earth did my money 'ran' to?
everything is about money money money...
sigh...

i already don't know what i want in the relationship already..
i am so lost right now..
they say my heart holds the answers to every doubts i have..
but the fact is , i do not know any answers at all..
all the answers doesnt makes any sense..
no longer able to define the feeling of 'love' already...
maybe too long didnt get in touch with 'love' ? hahas..

friends friends friends...
they say true friends do whats best for u...
but my good friends right now are making thing worst for me..
can someone put themselves in my shoes and think?

feel what i feel, and not only your own feeling...
im human.. i have feelings too..
i can be hurt too..
i may seems strong on the surface..
but im not.. i am never strong..
am just lucky that every times i falls there is this pillar there for me to hold on..
and these pillars are my friends and family..
i no longer include boyfriend as a pillar already.... long ago ditch that thinking...
in fact, i should ditch all thinking...
no one can be there for u forever...
the only person is urself...

fear.....
meiping || 12:33 AM

what a month..
just had a row with my dad on last friday..
today i had another major row with my mom..
and my saving is draining out.. =((
great great great..
i can forget about holidays already...
i can also forget about getting a new laptop...
CRAP!

as for today.. early in the morning before the lesson even start some idiot gals spill orange juice on me.. -.-!
dam...
and it was pouring dam heavy la.. =.=!
waited 2hrs for a idiot.. thanks.. zzzz
school sucks..
i took the case studies before, and the teacher kept repeating the same thing over and over again..
like a broken recorder..

supposed to meet up with a couple of friends for gathering..
but BOO!! canceled!
so met milo and jon for dinner at amk..
aftermath had accompany hua for her dinner...
home bitter home right now...

beside that BB and YAYA issue is in such a mess!
decision is mine.. i'm not supporting any side..
last words for this issue..
girls, do what is best for me..
its not a time to have conflict right now..

and i guess i made another wrong decision earlier on.
maybe what i think is best for my friends are not what they think is..
maybe i shouldnt care so much...
" feel what i feels and not only ur own feeling "
haha.. what a joke..

life is full of trepidation..

fear....


meiping || 12:22 AM

=)
im a happy gal right now..
at least for this moment..
it was fruitful meeting up with baby..
he pass me $400!
yeaa~
im 400 buck richer this month.. keke~
can do some shopping~~
first thing first i would need to get my web-cam!
hahas.. follow by bag~

anyway, my phone gave up on me again.. crap..
made me miss sch today.. =(
lucky petty marked attendance for me..
if not it would be hell..

having a dam crappy feeling..
had a row with daddy today..
the feeling sucks..
sigh..
mom alone is enough trouble for me to handle..
the row with dad made thing worst..
i just felt like grabbing my stuffs and walk away from him..
walk off right infront of him..
dam...
this sucks.. -.-!

just hope thing will get better ba..
let time unfold everything..
meiping || 2:35 AM

Oh! see see! hahas..
its nice!
i still miss u.. till today...
popo, how u doing in heaven?
everything alright? did u get to meet gonggong? =)
tell him i miss him too k?
am slowly taking in already i guess..

imu...
meiping || 12:18 AM

school been like a breeze to me..
hahas.. alot n alot of assignment n project n essay..

i don't expect much from u,
u know mah?
hahas.. u don't know, and u will never know...
im really like wad they say.. "stupid"

friends been playing a very important roles in my life..
friends comes and goes...
but there are some whom stayed...
thankful to them.. =)
its fate and luck that we can all be friends..
same interests and hobbies..
its not easy to find such a big grp like 7-8 ppl that can click so well..
and shares the same ideas..
im glad things worked out for us..
however, i don't want, and don't wish to be breaking up the grp..
no more spliting of grps and flip faces..
its my own issues.. my own thinking and decision...
sigh...
i am a sinner...
i bring bad luck to everyone i guess..
bring unhappiness to ever corner i go..
=(

i don't want to take any side..
=(

sighs...

*sinner*
meiping || 1:33 AM

its only the 4th day of school...
and i already have 4 assignment + 1 essay on hand..
tml will be getting 1 more assignment i guess..
compare to dip course degree is more complex..
hope i will be able to work towards my target.. =)
as usual school sucks.. hahas!
cancel of lesson now and then without notices -.-!
last min cancel somemore.. crap..

thanks guys for the daily morning calls and msg..
<3

i felt the physical tiredness in my body..
but every night my eyes just wont shut..
i can be dozing off on bus, mrt or cab..
but i just cant get to slp during the night time..

buck up buck up...

im gonna stop drinking for sometime i guess..
for good ba.. =)
dislike conflicts.. its my issue..
i will try to settle it myself..
i dont wish the grp to split.. -.-!
pls, its pointless quarrel over this issue..
no one is at fault..
i will nt take my stands..
this the 1st time and last time i am discussing abt it..
so just stop all the ' face flipping' stuff la..
if u all are gonna cont with this kind of game count me out..
i already said im not in for any games..
so just put a 'full-stop' to all these stuff alright..


- not easy -
meiping || 12:57 PM

let me recall, it should be saturday.. =) was waiting for friends when i saw this reflection being cast onto my hand.. nice and pretty.. even tot its not those kind of rainbow after rain but i still love the colors! see i even caught a rainbow! hahas i knw its childish, but who cares.. =p
saturday went for mj session with new friends.. fun expriences.. but long hours.. but overall <3~
dead tired by the time i was home.. coz i went ECP on friday night.. stayed there till almost 6am..
no wind! =( and it started pouring right after we went mac.. lucky us.. -.- the same exact thing happened on tuesday.. hahas.. <3 the wind and company.. thanks..

whereby sunday i met up with the girls, went to have a hair cut.. >.< i look so toot nw.. hair hair pls grow faster~ lol
after im done, went amk to wait for fish.. omg nor.. -.- waited for like 2hrs? i almost fell asleep..
didnt join them for dinner... baby said his hus celebrating mother's day.. will be having steamboat.. great! end up i didnt have dinner.. there's beef everywhere.. -.-!
and some arugement arose.. and thanks, it spolit my whole day.. dam..

pop a pill and slept early on sunday night.. =)
school starting on monday.. which is today la..
im so thankful for all the morning calls and encouraging msg from u guys.. <3
i managed to make it on time for sch.. even reached there early..
made 2 new friend.. and they are gonna be my grp mate.. dam!
-.-! i have a feeling that im gonna flunk my degree if im grp with them.. sigh...
what a day.. *tired*

and look what i found! its was a suprise that i manage to find this at home..
daddy always buy this whenever he comes back from business trips.. =)
local have store selling, but its more expensive and dont have the brand that i want.. sad case hur.. nvm, daddy is going oversea again this coming June! keke!
normally i dont finish the chocolate layer.. i will just drink the cocktails inside.. =p
thats all for the updates..
im so dead tired nw..
and btw i uploaded the videos~
milo rem to see k~ cannot remove tag also..

somehow i wish all these shit will come to an end soon..
it wearing me out..
and with the upcoming projects, assignments and essay it gonna be worst..
i just hope schools will be able to keep me real busy..
spare me out of the shit..
don't ask me to understand u... coz it nv works..
when i tried to understand u, u told me, not to do so..
and when i dont, u complain..
what exactly do u want from me?
i tired of all these guessing games.. im nt in for any game..

shag!
meiping || 11:14 PM

great.. i teared again..
i told myself countless time that i will stop tearing for him..
but why cant i control it when it comes to him..
why why why?
im so disappointed in myself..
sigh...
why do i have to keep repeating myself to him over and over again?
one simple task or stuffs i have to repeat like 3times or more..
but even so, he doesnt even put the heart to remember it..
i hate it..
i hate to repeat...
he says he just wanna be happy..
but have he tot that i wasnt happy..
humans are selfish...
so are him...
no one is spare.........

i seriously hate it......

who am i to u?
meiping || 10:13 PM

haha.. i pretty much screw everything today..
i canceled out on the drinking, rounding, ecp and pretty much everything.. hahas..
i will nt explain so much on these..
its kinda of easy, if u understand me, u will knw i dont do such stun..
if u get fed up , go ahead.. im alright with it.. =)

and great, mom grounded me.. ya.. she did..
and she think that by hiding my keys she will win..
we shall see abt it tonight i guess..

am going crazy soon..

kinda of having a fk up day.. -.-!
nths seems to goes my way..
dam it.. i hate this...



meiping || 7:13 PM

anyone have the song "when u wish upon a star" think is by Johann S. Bach.

has been raining almost every single night...
the weather is just like my feeling..
during the day, when im out with my friends, playing joking, laughing..
its like sunshine..
when the nights fall, i falls too..
and when it rains, it felt like im crying too..
cold and wet..

i wish this could just stop..
i want to sleep like a normal person.
i don't want to rely on the medication..
i just want all these tots out of my head.
and when it rains it just make thing worst i guess.

sigh...
meiping || 2:12 AM

<3 the wind and company at ecp last night..
thanks! =)
like what u told me, u are also one of the few friends that i wanna label "friend forever" =)
keke~
it was a wonderful night.. a peaceful night with the company of friend..
just lack of alcohol, if nt it would be ever much better.. hahas..
bought breakfast for baby..
and rot at baby's house for the whole day..
went home around 8pm..

anyway school is starting real soon. less than a week left..
and i have yet to get my stuff..
hmmm, will need a trip down to IMM tml..
reserved the present, and they are gonna hold it for 3 days only.
tml is the last day.. -.-! IMM is dam far.. hope im able to slp early tonight ba..
=) i still got 1 more present to settle for May babies.. ling present is such a headache! ><
speaking of it, i needa to pass her my digt cam tml too..


am already starting to feel the distance between us getting bigger..

How could something that feels so Right be so wrong?


meiping || 8:59 PM

anyone have the song "when u wish upon a star" think is by Johann S. Bach.

=)
let me type this out.. specially for my dar!
i finally met up with my dar after so so so long..
miss her like crazy..
waited for her to off wrk..
met up with her at the prata house..
baby joined us.. but crap can..
he was glued to his psp most of the time..
i think he said less then 10 complete sentence ba..
but nevertheless, i enjoyed the short meet up!
lets have more gathering dar!
<3~

I will not play at tug o' war
I'd rather play at hug o' war,
Where everyone hugs
Instead of tugs....

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.

PS- i hate my new sch time-table..
=(


meiping || 5:37 AM

有好多好多的话想说..
可是找不到对的话..
好多好多的想法也是..

" 忍 "
" 累 "
" 痛 "
" 伤 "
" 情 "
" 恐 "
meiping || 12:33 AM

back at home right now..
=)
feeling soo soo soo sleepy!
BUT! i needa to stay awake till at least 9 or 10 before i turn in..
need to change back my sleeping time. =/
school starting in a weeks time..
wish me luck people! yes, i need luck again..
hahas..

org plan was to head out to drink last night..
but but but, plan wasn't able to be carried out.
end up head over to laoeh's house for mj with baby and hua..
i waited for like an 1hr for baby and another 1hr for hua..
lost 7 bucks yst.. sad sad sad...
have been on the losing side for quite some time already!
when is my lucky lady coming back to me?
come back to my side soon k. =))
cab back to baby's hus..
nap awhile and cab back home..
been trying to stay awake since 1pm..
omg.. >.<
2 more hours to go..

this insomnia issues have prolong for quite sometime already..
when can i sleep normally again?
dislike the doctors!
they always say the same thing over and over again. but nth they say seems to help..
>.< im so temped to take the dose..
argh!
meiping || 7:32 PM

meiping/zhonghua
16061988
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