Just when i though everything was perfect, it wasn't.
It wasn't even close to perfect at all.
Trust lies on a thin line......
To trust or not to trust.......
Worth trusting anot is another thing...

If you can’t get someone out of your head, then maybe they’re supposed to be there.

'Cause I'm sick of the stabbing, I'm sick of the breaking, I'm sick of the bleeding until we fall down -- sick of this circle of death that we dance through again and again. Just lay me in the ground; let's fall asleep together. Hold me darling because I'm scared ... and I can't do this alone

You’d think after all this time, I’d be over you. I actually was … but then, like you promised, we were together again for a while … and everything came rushing back – the memories, the kisses, the fun – and I just fell, all over again.

Not much updates, just some quotes. =) enjoy!

today marks an end of 1st term for school.. =)
so fast, its already the last day of july!
2 month has past ever since school started..
=)
2 week breaks and everything will be back the same again..
it would be school school school again...
2nd term's time table is making me pretty sad i guess.. =(
sigh... i prefer the 1st term time table.. even tot i have to wake up in the morning..
well im fine with the morning lesson... in fact it is so much better..

reading is good..... love reading........ =))
indulge ~ enjoy ~ immense ~ relax ~
hmmm i guess i will be willing to spend my whole money pocket money buying books!
cope myself at home everyday and bury myself with books..
not school book.. just storybooks... =))
ah.. new interest, some chi novel manage to catch my eyes!
haha.. busy reading it now.. keke... <3~
meiping || 1:21 PM

朋友之上,恋人为满..

哈哈..
好难把心定下来好好的读书啊!
真讨厌.. =(
也不知道为何.. 闷死了啦!
啊! 也好烦! 烦死了!
=(
真的真的好厌倦一些事..
最近的食粮和睡眠也差了..
快成仙了吧 呵呵~
meiping || 2:30 AM

haven been updating my blog for quite sometime i guess..
things been fine... not to the extend of great..
hmmm i finally bought myself an Itouch.. 16GB.. =)
with support from friends too.. keke..
thanks alot...
last week has been busy with school, nah infact, everyweek am busy with school?
haha.. no idea...
but i haven been home for days that why i didnt blog at all..
and when im home, most of the time i will be sleeping..
late nights out with friend drinking, slacking and mahjong-ing..
i walking back to my past style..
late nights out.. enjoying myself..
oh i remembered going to the night safari too.. its like finally.. =))

am running out of thing to blog in fact..
arg crap...
i guess this will be a dusty blog once again.. haha..
dont bother to stay tune to my updates anymore guys...
^^

with loves..
meiping || 12:04 AM

i guess im holding on pretty well.. =))
i haven tear for a couple of days already..
or maybe i have grown numb..
but somehow, at some point of time, my heart still aches..
i don't know abt that...
all i know, is, everything i do, its envolves around him...
somehow i guess... its still connected...
im trying hard to cut away the connected line...
meiping || 11:30 PM

i have no idea, what has gotten into me...
everything i do or thinks are so weird..
its nt logical at all..
i m like this in the past...
whats happening?
friends are confused, but im more confused..
why am i changing to such a person in such a short time?
i cant locate myself at all..
where am i....
this is fking hard..........
dam hard.....................
i so tired and sick.......

drink drink drink....
smoke smoke smoke....
pub pub pub..........
ton ton ton..........
dead dead dead.......
gone gone gone.......

i really wish, i can be like those heartless girl out there..
forgetting abt the relationship within hours and day...
it seems so easy, but its so hard when u have to do it....
someone pls teach me how.....
to put everything down...
i dont like this 'me'
i hate myself......
i hate myself so much nowaday, nth i do seems to make me happy...
i get upset over lil stuffs...
i get fed-up over small issue..
i cry over nothing...
i get lots of mood swings......
i cant get myself to focus on the right stuff..
i have been hurting my friends..
i have been neglecting friends....
i know what its happening, but i doesnt seems to be able to make a change..
and i know, its like excuses.....
sigh.......
i dont know what is becoming of me.....

another night out.......
lonely night..........
meiping || 7:50 PM

vola~
alright, i wide awake right now. =)
feel so refresh.. hopefully i wont be dozing off in class later on.
fell asleep earlier on with my laptop on! =p
i was pretty shagged out the past few days..
still trying to nurse myself back to normal..

let me recall,
2th july, thursday i supposed?
it end.. will it be a clear cut break up or anot?
i have no idea..
day alone, without him, gave me alot of mixed feelings.
i wonder are they all real feeling, or it it just being emotional.
i guess i have been taking the breakup pretty well..
or in a much mature ways compare to the past..
good thing i guess.

anyway, i wasn't home for the past few days.
and when im home, i will be sleeping..
was out slacking and mj-ing..
thats all i guess.

yst had lesson at shenton way..
830am to 530pm. its so hard core..
i almost die from it.. =.=!
after the lesson, met up with my dar, karen and cailing..
=)
been ages since the last time we all met up..
together in a group.. haha..
lots of secondary school memories!
<3
reached home before 12.. thats all i guess.

this week would be a busy week for me..
school everyday! =(


i hate myself for loving u so much..

its like a never ending complication.. the myriad of untold truth..
meiping || 5:11 AM

there is so many time when i feel like crying out loud..
really just cry and do nothing..
but i dont want to cry alone..
sigh...
i really hopes the tears will stop soon...
im tired of crying myself to bed, and wake myself up with swollen eyes.
its tiring to go through it almost every nights.
whats happening?
whirling and spinning.. it happened so fast..
im still trying to adjust to it..
its so difficult! but im still trying..
i really am.. but its so hard...
and im so tired out already..
i just wish everything was a nightmare..
that i can just forget the moment i wakes up.
this is hard.... tmd hard...
i guess, i was too used relying on others.
and when one left, i falls.. a hard and fast fall..
i need to get use to singlehood..
i need to put him off his mind..
however, everything i do remind me of him..
every place i go, every thing i do, every words i say..
it will somehow be linked to him..
its like the wound kept being teared open and open, over and over again..
how can i ever recover from it..
and the worst thing is, i felt that he is enjoying himself outside.
playing and fooling around, i dont feel tt he felt any hurts or pain about the breakup.
everything he said was nothing but lies.
i should haven given up long ago...
i should..... why didnt i....

i need a hug...
a tight hug.. coz i dont want to cry alone, in the long night..
i fear night....
it makes me feel more upset and lonely...
sighs....
meiping || 5:14 PM

3yrs 1month and 5days.
fullstop.
everything seems to turn into dust.

什么也不想做...
也不知道要做什么..
心好痛...
泪水也不受控制的在流...

im so lost without you, for the past 3yr i was so used to having u by my side..
always putting u in the 1st place..
now everything has ended, im so lost..
everything has be start from scratch again..
im so tired of it.. sighs..
why there isnt a delete button? delete everything away..
mend the mistakes and hurts.
whats happening.. everything seems to in a whirl, spinning and turning..
i guess i haven been out of love for quite sometime..
not used to it ba..
give me sometime, i hope i will get use to it soon..
soon, i really hope as soon as possible..
i hate crying.. it makes my eye swollen..
=((
dislikes.. hates..
meiping || 2:28 AM

I hold no expectation anymore.
if u are gonna make me cry, at least be the one to wipe away the tears.
be the one to clean up the mess u made.
I don't want other guys to clean up the mess for u.
i feel guilty about it.
i feel that it is not right and fair to others.
the other cares for me from the bottom of their heart.
it hurts them when im sad, but does it hurts u?
or do u even get bother by it?
I really doubt so.
I have no idea what has gotta into me.
Nothing seems to be able to catch my interests nor make me laugh.

For once in 3 yrs.
I finally decided to get myself something i WANT not need.
past 3 yrs i only buy what i needs and not want.
even if i like that thing very much i gave it a miss.
but i decided, i should pamper myself too.
not only him.. coz he doesn't deserve it i guess.
so much effort i put in to save every penny and cent for his gifts.
even if im nt working i try to give him the best i can afford..
get him what he wants and needs.
i haven really been buying things for myself for quite sometime.
i only get what i needs...
im stupid. =.=!

well.. well.. well..
the 1st thing i want is a Itouch, but somehow it is also a need for me. =.=
next i wanna save for a new laptop.. ^^
than a vacation~

guides...
advises...
meiping || 1:36 PM

have a short summary for the weeks.. =)
right after my bday was my darling gal's xuefen bday!
intend to go ice-skating, but it was fully packed..
changed to bowling!
we had 11 games of bowling.. cool hur?
11 games =.=!
earlier on, maybe weeks ago? i sort of injured my old injury..
but after the bowling session it got worst!
hahas.. i have a pig hand now.. =p
on wrist wrap and wrist guard now.. hopefully it will recover soon..
anyway, after the bowling session went for dinner..
went to the famous amk chilli crab! woots! dam nice!
two thumbs up! ^^
had mj aftermaths..

the rest of the week seems to fast forward..
seems so busy and packed with stuff..
but i dont really remember what i was busy with.. >hahas..
i remembered i had alot of mj session..
hmmm........
thats all i guess...

baby, tell me how can i ever trust u wholeheartly again?
tell me, teach me, guide me...
why not, tell me what are worth trusting?

ps : thanks boy for the company. =)

meiping || 3:32 AM

baby, friends kept asking me why I keep on loving you when it's clear that you don't feel the same way for me... the problem is that as much as I can't force you to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you. i don't know what else i should right now.
sighs..

im stupid...
yes, im...

restless...
heartless..
meiping || 4:31 AM

Have you ever been hurt and the place tries to heal a bit, and you just pull the scar off of it over and over again.

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.

...Lost in your heart, lost in your eyes
Lost every day, no map to follow
Entire days, weeks, a blur
Flickers of light, in the darkness,
Only to be enveloped in shadows once more...

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

If you're going to make me cry, at least be there to wipe away the tears.

Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him.

I wonder, when you look into my eyes and watch my heart shatter, does it break your heart too, even crack it a little bit?

I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy, I’m going to laugh, so you don’t see me cry, I’m going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me - I’m going to smile.

There's a girl in my mirror crying tonight, and there's nothing I can say to make her feel all right.

It's always the same in every relationship, there is always one person crying and wishing to get back together, while the other doesn't even remember the things they've been through. I hate that I have to be the one who remembers every little detail while you can't seem to remember me at all.

Sometimes you think you've gotten over a person, but when you see him smile you suddenly realize you're just pretending you're over him to ease the pain of knowing that he will never be yours.
meiping || 4:13 AM

i have no idea, what the fcuk i'm doing..
i lost the sense of everything..
sigh..

arghs........

i hate this feeling...
what's becoming of me already...

craziness........
crankiness........
meiping || 9:42 PM

bday is over.. officially 21 yr old already..
had 3 celebration.. 1 with kristy n co.. 2 with baby and co.
no celebration with family..
that's all i guess..
sat was anto's granny bday..
had dinner at Owen's place..
was like having a wedding dinner..
10 course meal.. faints..

i don't know what else to blog already..
or what can be blog, what cannot be blog..
i don't feel that this is MY blog anymore..
i have to be so caution of what i types..
boring..

shifting, moving, changing..

i need a break...
meiping || 9:37 PM

im lost...
why am i so hem and haw when it comes to this..

gone....
meiping || 11:18 PM

Yeah
I’ve been so lost lately
I don’t really understand baby
Where did i go wrong
I wanna talk to you
Please call
Where do i begin with you
After all that we’ve been through
I don’t think that it would be right if we
Got together so suddenly
I wish that i could take back all the things that i said
And replace them with simply i love you instead

You don’t wanna say goodbye
But you never really seem like you wanna try
But i only wanted you to stay
Then i let you just slip away
If you didn’t listen to your heart inside
Then it really doesn’t matter what was on your mind
And if you need me then tell me why
Girl, i never meant to say goodbye
Mmm oh yeah
I think about the past baby
Why we couldn’t make it last, lady
I know you still have doubts
But i’m gonna prove that we can work things out
I wanna be sure that you know what you put me through
And reveal that you intend to never let me down again
It’s clear to me and i can’t ignore
That i have to give you something i couldn’t before

You don’t wanna say goodbye
But you never really seem like you wanna try
But i only wanted you to stay
Then i let you just slip away
If you didn’t listen to your heart inside
Then it really doesn’t matter what was on your mind
And if you need me then tell me why
Girl, i never meant to say goodbye

I didn’t think that we would come to this
Ooh, no
Your eyes, your face, your smile is what i miss
Why’d you wait so long to take me back
It’s all a simple misunderstanding

You don’t wanna say goodbye
But you never really seem like you wanna try (never wanna try)
But i only wanted you to stay
Then i let you just slip away
If you didn’t listen to your heart inside
Then it really doesn’t matter what was on your mind
And if you need me then tell me why
Girl, i never meant to say goodbye

You don’t wanna say goodbye
But you never really seem like you wanna try (but i never meant to say)
But i only wanted you to stay
Then i let you just slip away
If you didn’t listen to your heart inside (never meant to see you cry, never meant to say)
Then it really doesn’t matter what was on your mind
And if you need me then tell me why
Girl, i never meant to say goodbye
meiping || 12:48 AM

Lets start from Saturday..
woke up around 2pm, but stayed on my bed till 4pm..
went over to baby's house around 4plus..
slacked and chilled till it was time for dinner..
baby's dad drove us to queentown's town Zhou Zhung for dinner..
it wasn't the best, but overall not bad.. =)
this time round the bill came up to another 200 plus.. treat from baby's dajie.
after dinner went ikea with baby's family...
walked around till around 10pm..
baby's dajie drove us to Liang Court. thanks!
met up with bunch of people at partyworld.
people presents were, baby, me, yanling n bf, hua, xf, milo, laoeh, kelly n bf, and not forgetting alfie! we sang from around 11pm till 530am! woots~
finish one bottle that night..
hmmm, i guess 3/4 is by me.. =p
went geylang to have breakfast before heading back to baby's house..
thanks everyone for coming! =))
thanks thanks thanks~

sunday woke up around 1pm..
slack on the bed with baby till he wakes up..
around 3pm order pizzahut and started packing his house...
we only pack the dinning area.. and it took us almost the rest of the day!
hmmm.. baby, me, dajie, dajie's bf and dajie's friend..
5 of us, and yet it still took us soooo long!
and and and, its not done yet! omg~ *faints*
so god dam messy la.. super bth already!
we threw away lots of stuffs.. but there is still alot..
=.=!!
anyway, went home around 11pm..
thats all i guess..

hmmm.. should i, or should i not get itouch? >.should i get the 8GB, 16GB or 32GB?


meiping || 12:38 AM

baby, its hurting me so badly..
this time round it really does hurts so badly..
i wish i could just die away from this pain...
slowly as times goes by, its eating me up..
i dont know how long more i can hold on to it..
both path is painful for me...
its cutting deep and hard into me...
if i choose to end the relationships, it will hurt me...
i know i will takes a long time to recover from it..
but if i choose to stay with u, im gonna get hurt too..
wads the point.. both path is the same ending..
cause baby, u never change... u never did change even for once...
i am waiting for u to change, like wad u said and promised..
but it never did come true.. even for once...
none...................
so i guess, even in the future it will not happens too..

sigh......
there is some part in me that feels kind of ' bu gan yuan'
i dont know why.. maybe, to me i put in so much effort, and all i get back was shit..
i hate this kind of feeling..
i just wish everything will goes away...

u are like my kite in air...
over the time, i have let lose too much of u..
till this day, u have already flown out of my sight......
its too late to tug back the line already....

---------------------------------------

jiewei, i miss u...
missing u so much that it could bring tears to my eyes..
every minute every seconds..
i just wish u were by my side...
like the past... always there for me...
i miss u....... i really do.......

-----------------------------------------

my bday wishes is that everyone around me, especially my family to be in the pink of health..
my 2nd wishes is to make it thru my degree!
as for my 3rd wishes.......... it will be in my heart....... =))

-----------------------------------------

in slient.. my heart bleeds........
it would be another scar..........

meiping || 1:50 AM

lets start from Saturday..
Sat morning woke up at 630am..
prepared and cab to school..
field trip! HSBC Tree Top Walk..
in actual fact we started the walk around 930am and ended around 130pm..
4 solid hours of walking.. >.<
dam shag can! argh...
hahas.. anyway, i was the 1st to complete the tree top walk trail, 1st to climb the tower and also 1st to reach the ending point!
weets! nice.. im powderful~~
i was so glad that we went for the Tree Top Walk Trail instead of another trail..
=.=! tree top walk trail was only around 3-4km..
the other trail was at least 7km! i walked tt trail before, i swear i almost die!
took cab home from there.. fell aslp while waiting for my hair to dry..

woke up around 10pm.. met baby for super late dinner..
went back home and changed..
boy came down to fetch me.. =) thanks!
it was a awesome night out..! one of the most happening night for me i guess? hahas..
its was my advance bday bash!
kristy, bb & bf, yaya & bf, boy, fred, jovan, sze qing and ah xiang was the guest present..
we had martell canon, moet, chivas, waterfall, graveyard, test tube, vodka, macallen, teq shots, absinthe. there was more, but i forgotten already..
in short 21 different kind of alchol.. that night expenses was all on boy..
the bill came up to a whooping 3k!
it was crazy! so many of us got wasted! we drank all the way till 630am..
left the pub around 7am.. boy sent me home.. thanks once again..
i was lucky, there wasnt the usual cakes smashing event.. awww... thanks alot guys! hahas..
i really enjoyed myself yst.. thanks for making everything possbile!
thanks for the presents too.. =))
love every single presents!
oh! nt forgetting the flowers.. pretty pretty roses and tulips.

special thanks boy for staying by my side the whole night,
accompanying me to drink, helping me to drink, making an effort to fetch me to and fro and watching out for me.. =) no words are able to express the feeling.. im touched..
not forget the others too!
u guys are my LOVE!

lets hope the 13th of june will be another happening night!

May all one can do is to hope to end up with the right regrets..

oh! wishlist! muhahas..
wanna know wad i wan right.. fine! i will tell u guys..
make sure u guys get it for me hor!
i want...
32GB iTouch,
Gucci Bag,
Coach Wallet,
LV sling bag,
Dior pouch,
Sony , purple limited edition laptop,
lots of CASH,
FCUK watch,
brand new Bed,
Air con for my room,
last but not least, how about a Prada Bag too?
MUHAHA! lalalala~
meiping || 11:55 PM

im back from drinking..
and to everyone's expectation i got drunk..
it was a awesome night out..
i didnt regret going down despite feeling sick. =)
ok, let me start from the start k.
i woke up for sch event..
went HSBC Tree Top Walk..
i was the 1st to cross the line, 1st to climb the tower, and 1st to reach the ending point.. =)
im powderful~~ muhahas...
its total madness alright! the sun was good to us.. cloudy cloudy~
which mean no sun burns! anyway we started our walk ard 930am?
and ended ard 130pm.. which means we walk for 4 solid hours!
it kinda of reminded me of secondary school..
during that period, actually i went for another trail.. with the schools and friend..
miss doing that actually.. =S
anyway, took a cab home and fell aslp while waiting for my hair to dry..
woke up due to hunger.. =p
met baby for dinner at blk 284..
went home bathe and changed..

boy came to fetch me, thanks for coming all the way down just to fetch me! =))
attendance for today gathering is : Kristy, Boy , BB n bf, YAYA n bf, ah fred, kok siang, jovan, kelvin, sze qing, ah xiang and jasen! thanks all for the the adavnce bday bash!
lets see, it was crazy!
coz its non-stop drinking.. -.-!
let me recall, i rem we had
2 bottle of canon, countless cups of teq shots, waterfall, absinthe, graveyard, test tub, moet, malt, macallen.. there was more.. but i couldnt rem the names..
hahas.. in short, there was 21 diff kind of alchol!
coz it was my 21th bday celebration.
they even bought my fav cake! <3~
not long after they sang the bday song, and cut the cake..
i got totally wasted, took a short nap.. woke up and cont drinking till 6am..
shoik! hmmm.. not only me got wasted! a couple got drunk too!
hahas.. everyone was high on alchol..
we ended the drinking at 630am..
went for early breakfast and boy sent me home.. =)

this night was possbile because u guys were there!
u all made it came true..

big big thanks to everyone.. and thanks for the roses and tulips.
and not forgetting boss for making everything possbile tonight..
last but not least, thanks you, for staying by my side all night long,
watching out for me.. accompanying me, helping me to drink...
making an effort to fetch me to and fro, and also ordering of the cakes and flowers..
im glad u kept ur promises of not buying a gift.. hahas..
everyone had fun..

i was kind of shocked that i still have the enegry to blog right now..
in fact, im kind of wide awake.. gonna have a serious hang over i guess..

May all one can do is to hope to end up with the right regrets..
meiping || 4:05 AM

meiping/zhonghua
16061988
My Life Journal =)

♥ May 2004
♥ June 2004
♥ July 2004
♥ August 2004
♥ September 2004
♥ October 2004
♥ November 2004
♥ December 2004
♥ January 2005
♥ February 2005
♥ March 2005
♥ April 2005
♥ May 2005
♥ June 2005
♥ July 2005
♥ August 2005
♥ September 2005
♥ October 2005
♥ November 2005
♥ December 2005
♥ January 2006
♥ February 2006
♥ March 2006
♥ April 2006
♥ May 2006
♥ June 2006
♥ July 2006
♥ August 2006
♥ September 2006
♥ October 2006
♥ November 2006
♥ December 2006
♥ January 2007
♥ April 2007
♥ July 2007
♥ August 2007
♥ September 2007
♥ October 2007
♥ November 2007
♥ December 2007
♥ January 2008
♥ February 2008
♥ March 2008
♥ April 2008
♥ May 2008
♥ June 2008
♥ July 2008
♥ August 2008
♥ September 2008
♥ October 2008
♥ November 2008
♥ December 2008
♥ January 2009
♥ February 2009
♥ March 2009
♥ April 2009
♥ May 2009
♥ June 2009
♥ July 2009
♥ August 2009
♥ September 2009
♥ October 2009
♥ November 2009
♥ December 2009
♥ January 2010
♥ February 2010
♥ March 2010
♥ April 2010
♥ May 2010
♥ June 2010
♥ July 2010
♥ September 2010
♥ October 2010
♥ November 2010
♥ January 2011
♥ February 2011
♥ March 2011
♥ April 2011
♥ August 2011
♥ November 2011
♥ December 2011
♥ February 2012
♥ April 2012
♥ May 2012
♥ June 2012
♥ August 2012
♥ September 2012
♥ December 2012