I'm not ready for this... I'm not.. Not at all ready.. Mentally nor physically prepared.. I didn't see it coming at all.. It happened so fast, out of nowhere, without any warning.. How did it happened? Why did it happened? So many question marks to all these stuff.. And most weird is HOW can it happen? It seems totally out of question.. I have no idea how in the hell am i gonna handle it? All i know is to avoid, avoid and avoid.. I know i'm running away from it, avoiding thing won't solve the problem. But u can't blame me, am totally clueless! This is the first time i encounter such stuff.. Someone tell me what should i do? Can't there be only friendship between a man and a woman? I always believe it is possible to maintain a pure friendship. Well, at least it is now still growing strong... Jiewei and Me.. The kind of pure friendship... It is so hard to find and maintain.. Never mind, i will still have faith in the pure friendship between man and woman.. As long as my friendship with Jiewei stand.. I will believe in it.. ^^ *jiayou to myself* Really hope this thing will come to an end soon.. =( Don't wish anymore of this shit to happen..
dead tired mentaly.. go, went, gone.. end of this post..
meiping || 1:57 AM
Date : Saturday, August 22, 2009
I actually have a lot of stuffs to write down.. A lot of feelings, thinking and thoughts. But when i really open up this page, and begin typing i'm lost for words. Weird huh? Haha.. Anyway, school has already started for me.. Trying my best to mix around with my classmates. Hope thing goes well.. =)
I really don't know what's in the relationship that im looking for. i mean, maybe im lost? Haha.. There are other guys whom are so much better. I know, and seen. Maybe more, ever since i started to stick to my feeling. Not being controlled anymore by Anto. I manage to know more friends, met more people. But, im still not ready for a new relationship. I don't mean, break with Anto and straight away start a new relationship. What i mean is, after Anto, i doubt i will get into relationship. I don't want another guy to mess up my life anymore. I want to be in control, i believe in future, i will be stronger. Time allows ones to grows and mature. Time allows ones to see through the surface of everything.. Time allows ME to learn the lesson. Have a break, have a kit-kat! Enjoying my freedom now. =)
Mixed feeling is making thing worst, why do i feel more and more fan gan by her. Everything she does just makes me feel so, even if it for my own good, or like what other says, she just care. But i just dislike it. I'm biase. Freaking, fucking biase, i dont deny that, and i won't.. Haha.. Im evil, im the devil.. =)
Crazy as it might sound, i miss u.. Am i going through the stage of puppy love? HAHA! What a nice thinking, puppy love? HA..HA..HA.. The biggest joke is, i haven even met u in real before.. This is so fucking crazy.. Argh, forget this.. -.- Im going crazy.. =p
meiping || 1:43 AM
Date : Sunday, August 16, 2009
Super Dupar long entry! Just words and words as usual =)
BOO! 2 weeks of holiday just ended like that!
Haha.. I doubt i made good use of the 2 weeks holiday.. =(
Been staying home for most of the time!
BORING! 快闷死了!
Well, don't have the usual drinking and mahjong-ing session too!
Okay, maybe just one drinking and mahjong session.. =p
Let me recall some of the events..
I remembered going to Neverland with anto..
I will always remember it! AARON!
Met up with Lance and co.
Slack there till almost 2am.
Have to leave earlier due to some stuff.. Dont worry, not those kind of lians and bengs too..
AND! Aaron puked! Puking is alright, but it kena me! =((
Lucky i was wearing dress instead of jeans that day.. =.=!
Must be wondering why there is anto's name again right?
We are back together, but, oh well, thing is different now..
I don't know how to pin it down, but it is different already..
Not that i dont love him, or he dont love me..
It is just different..
I still love this quote ' Nothing will be the same again! '
HAHA! Sound very 熟 hor! =p
But nevertheless, im happy? i guess im..
Not due to the patch..
Next thing is mahjong session yesterday at yl's house..
Woots! Super hard-core..
hahas.. Everyone is feeling kinda of 困!
But we still 挨 untill morning!
Oh ya! I took my oath/vow whatever u call it.. =)
Waiting for my passport now!
I wanna eat Kenny Roger at City Square~ ANYONE WANT? LOL
Craving for seafood too! Stingrays, Kang Kong, Sotong, Prawns, CHILLI CRAB at the back alley too! =p
Been going down to Liang Court almost every day..
I swear im getting sick of bus 54 and Jap food soon!
YES! Very soon! >.
Did i mention holiday is ending? =(
Tml will be the 1st day of school, am so discourage by the timing of the lesson..
Argh! Worst time-table ever!!!! =((
Just hope it will be a better term..
要加油了! ＾．＾
meiping || 2:20 PM
Date : Friday, July 31, 2009
Just when i though everything was perfect, it wasn't. It wasn't even close to perfect at all. Trust lies on a thin line...... To trust or not to trust....... Worth trusting anot is another thing...
If you can’t get someone out of your head, then maybe they’re supposed to be there.
'Cause I'm sick of the stabbing, I'm sick of the breaking, I'm sick of the bleeding until we fall down -- sick of this circle of death that we dance through again and again. Just lay me in the ground; let's fall asleep together. Hold me darling because I'm scared ... and I can't do this alone
You’d think after all this time, I’d be over you. I actually was … but then, like you promised, we were together again for a while … and everything came rushing back – the memories, the kisses, the fun – and I just fell, all over again.
Not much updates, just some quotes. =) enjoy!
today marks an end of 1st term for school.. =) so fast, its already the last day of july! 2 month has past ever since school started.. =) 2 week breaks and everything will be back the same again.. it would be school school school again... 2nd term's time table is making me pretty sad i guess.. =( sigh... i prefer the 1st term time table.. even tot i have to wake up in the morning.. well im fine with the morning lesson... in fact it is so much better..
reading is good..... love reading........ =)) indulge ~ enjoy ~ immense ~ relax ~ hmmm i guess i will be willing to spend my whole money pocket money buying books! cope myself at home everyday and bury myself with books.. not school book.. just storybooks... =)) ah.. new interest, some chi novel manage to catch my eyes! haha.. busy reading it now.. keke... <3~
haven been updating my blog for quite sometime i guess.. things been fine... not to the extend of great.. hmmm i finally bought myself an Itouch.. 16GB.. =) with support from friends too.. keke.. thanks alot... last week has been busy with school, nah infact, everyweek am busy with school? haha.. no idea... but i haven been home for days that why i didnt blog at all.. and when im home, most of the time i will be sleeping.. late nights out with friend drinking, slacking and mahjong-ing.. i walking back to my past style.. late nights out.. enjoying myself.. oh i remembered going to the night safari too.. its like finally.. =))
am running out of thing to blog in fact.. arg crap... i guess this will be a dusty blog once again.. haha.. dont bother to stay tune to my updates anymore guys... ^^
with loves..
meiping || 12:04 AM
Date : Monday, July 13, 2009
i guess im holding on pretty well.. =)) i haven tear for a couple of days already.. or maybe i have grown numb.. but somehow, at some point of time, my heart still aches.. i don't know abt that... all i know, is, everything i do, its envolves around him... somehow i guess... its still connected... im trying hard to cut away the connected line...
meiping || 11:30 PM
Date : Thursday, July 09, 2009
i have no idea, what has gotten into me... everything i do or thinks are so weird.. its nt logical at all.. i m like this in the past... whats happening? friends are confused, but im more confused.. why am i changing to such a person in such a short time? i cant locate myself at all.. where am i.... this is fking hard.......... dam hard..................... i so tired and sick.......
drink drink drink.... smoke smoke smoke.... pub pub pub.......... ton ton ton.......... dead dead dead....... gone gone gone.......
i really wish, i can be like those heartless girl out there.. forgetting abt the relationship within hours and day... it seems so easy, but its so hard when u have to do it.... someone pls teach me how..... to put everything down... i dont like this 'me' i hate myself...... i hate myself so much nowaday, nth i do seems to make me happy... i get upset over lil stuffs... i get fed-up over small issue.. i cry over nothing... i get lots of mood swings...... i cant get myself to focus on the right stuff.. i have been hurting my friends.. i have been neglecting friends.... i know what its happening, but i doesnt seems to be able to make a change.. and i know, its like excuses..... sigh....... i dont know what is becoming of me.....
another night out....... lonely night..........
meiping || 7:50 PM
Date : Tuesday, July 07, 2009
vola~ alright, i wide awake right now. =) feel so refresh.. hopefully i wont be dozing off in class later on. fell asleep earlier on with my laptop on! =p i was pretty shagged out the past few days.. still trying to nurse myself back to normal..
let me recall, 2th july, thursday i supposed? it end.. will it be a clear cut break up or anot? i have no idea.. day alone, without him, gave me alot of mixed feelings. i wonder are they all real feeling, or it it just being emotional. i guess i have been taking the breakup pretty well.. or in a much mature ways compare to the past.. good thing i guess.
anyway, i wasn't home for the past few days. and when im home, i will be sleeping.. was out slacking and mj-ing.. thats all i guess.
yst had lesson at shenton way.. 830am to 530pm. its so hard core.. i almost die from it.. =.=! after the lesson, met up with my dar, karen and cailing.. =) been ages since the last time we all met up.. together in a group.. haha.. lots of secondary school memories! <3 reached home before 12.. thats all i guess.
this week would be a busy week for me.. school everyday! =(
i hate myself for loving u so much..
its like a never ending complication.. the myriad of untold truth..
meiping || 5:11 AM
Date : Saturday, July 04, 2009
there is so many time when i feel like crying out loud.. really just cry and do nothing.. but i dont want to cry alone.. sigh... i really hopes the tears will stop soon... im tired of crying myself to bed, and wake myself up with swollen eyes. its tiring to go through it almost every nights. whats happening? whirling and spinning.. it happened so fast.. im still trying to adjust to it.. its so difficult! but im still trying.. i really am.. but its so hard... and im so tired out already.. i just wish everything was a nightmare.. that i can just forget the moment i wakes up. this is hard.... tmd hard... i guess, i was too used relying on others. and when one left, i falls.. a hard and fast fall.. i need to get use to singlehood.. i need to put him off his mind.. however, everything i do remind me of him.. every place i go, every thing i do, every words i say.. it will somehow be linked to him.. its like the wound kept being teared open and open, over and over again.. how can i ever recover from it.. and the worst thing is, i felt that he is enjoying himself outside. playing and fooling around, i dont feel tt he felt any hurts or pain about the breakup. everything he said was nothing but lies. i should haven given up long ago... i should..... why didnt i....
i need a hug... a tight hug.. coz i dont want to cry alone, in the long night.. i fear night.... it makes me feel more upset and lonely... sighs....
meiping || 5:14 PM
Date : Thursday, July 02, 2009
3yrs 1month and 5days. fullstop. everything seems to turn into dust.
什么也不想做... 也不知道要做什么.. 心好痛... 泪水也不受控制的在流...
im so lost without you, for the past 3yr i was so used to having u by my side.. always putting u in the 1st place.. now everything has ended, im so lost.. everything has be start from scratch again.. im so tired of it.. sighs.. why there isnt a delete button? delete everything away.. mend the mistakes and hurts. whats happening.. everything seems to in a whirl, spinning and turning.. i guess i haven been out of love for quite sometime.. not used to it ba.. give me sometime, i hope i will get use to it soon.. soon, i really hope as soon as possible.. i hate crying.. it makes my eye swollen.. =(( dislikes.. hates..
meiping || 2:28 AM
Date : Wednesday, July 01, 2009
I hold no expectation anymore. if u are gonna make me cry, at least be the one to wipe away the tears. be the one to clean up the mess u made. I don't want other guys to clean up the mess for u. i feel guilty about it. i feel that it is not right and fair to others. the other cares for me from the bottom of their heart. it hurts them when im sad, but does it hurts u? or do u even get bother by it? I really doubt so. I have no idea what has gotta into me. Nothing seems to be able to catch my interests nor make me laugh.
For once in 3 yrs. I finally decided to get myself something i WANT not need. past 3 yrs i only buy what i needs and not want. even if i like that thing very much i gave it a miss. but i decided, i should pamper myself too. not only him.. coz he doesn't deserve it i guess. so much effort i put in to save every penny and cent for his gifts. even if im nt working i try to give him the best i can afford.. get him what he wants and needs. i haven really been buying things for myself for quite sometime. i only get what i needs... im stupid. =.=!
well.. well.. well.. the 1st thing i want is a Itouch, but somehow it is also a need for me. =.= next i wanna save for a new laptop.. ^^ than a vacation~
guides... advises...
meiping || 1:36 PM
Date : Sunday, June 28, 2009
have a short summary for the weeks.. =)
right after my bday was my darling gal's xuefen bday!
intend to go ice-skating, but it was fully packed..
changed to bowling!
we had 11 games of bowling.. cool hur?
11 games =.=!
earlier on, maybe weeks ago? i sort of injured my old injury..
but after the bowling session it got worst!
hahas.. i have a pig hand now.. =p
on wrist wrap and wrist guard now.. hopefully it will recover soon..
anyway, after the bowling session went for dinner..
went to the famous amk chilli crab! woots! dam nice!
two thumbs up! ^^
had mj aftermaths..
the rest of the week seems to fast forward..
seems so busy and packed with stuff..
but i dont really remember what i was busy with.. >hahas..
i remembered i had alot of mj session..
hmmm........
thats all i guess...
baby, tell me how can i ever trust u wholeheartly again?
tell me, teach me, guide me...
why not, tell me what are worth trusting?
ps : thanks boy for the company. =)
meiping || 3:32 AM
Date : Thursday, June 25, 2009
baby, friends kept asking me why I keep on loving you when it's clear that you don't feel the same way for me... the problem is that as much as I can't force you to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you. i don't know what else i should right now. sighs..
im stupid... yes, im...
restless... heartless..
meiping || 4:31 AM
Date :
Have you ever been hurt and the place tries to heal a bit, and you just pull the scar off of it over and over again.
Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
...Lost in your heart, lost in your eyes Lost every day, no map to follow Entire days, weeks, a blur Flickers of light, in the darkness, Only to be enveloped in shadows once more...
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
If you're going to make me cry, at least be there to wipe away the tears.
Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him.
I wonder, when you look into my eyes and watch my heart shatter, does it break your heart too, even crack it a little bit?
I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy, I’m going to laugh, so you don’t see me cry, I’m going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me - I’m going to smile.
There's a girl in my mirror crying tonight, and there's nothing I can say to make her feel all right.
It's always the same in every relationship, there is always one person crying and wishing to get back together, while the other doesn't even remember the things they've been through. I hate that I have to be the one who remembers every little detail while you can't seem to remember me at all.
Sometimes you think you've gotten over a person, but when you see him smile you suddenly realize you're just pretending you're over him to ease the pain of knowing that he will never be yours.
meiping || 4:13 AM
Date : Sunday, June 21, 2009
i have no idea, what the fcuk i'm doing.. i lost the sense of everything.. sigh..
arghs........
i hate this feeling... what's becoming of me already...
craziness........ crankiness........
meiping || 9:42 PM
Date :
bday is over.. officially 21 yr old already.. had 3 celebration.. 1 with kristy n co.. 2 with baby and co. no celebration with family.. that's all i guess.. sat was anto's granny bday.. had dinner at Owen's place.. was like having a wedding dinner.. 10 course meal.. faints..
i don't know what else to blog already.. or what can be blog, what cannot be blog.. i don't feel that this is MY blog anymore.. i have to be so caution of what i types.. boring..
shifting, moving, changing..
i need a break...
meiping || 9:37 PM
Date : Wednesday, June 17, 2009
im lost... why am i so hem and haw when it comes to this..
gone....
meiping || 11:18 PM
Date : Monday, June 15, 2009
Yeah I’ve been so lost lately I don’t really understand baby Where did i go wrong I wanna talk to you Please call Where do i begin with you After all that we’ve been through I don’t think that it would be right if we Got together so suddenly I wish that i could take back all the things that i said And replace them with simply i love you instead
You don’t wanna say goodbye But you never really seem like you wanna try But i only wanted you to stay Then i let you just slip away If you didn’t listen to your heart inside Then it really doesn’t matter what was on your mind And if you need me then tell me why Girl, i never meant to say goodbye Mmm oh yeah I think about the past baby Why we couldn’t make it last, lady I know you still have doubts But i’m gonna prove that we can work things out I wanna be sure that you know what you put me through And reveal that you intend to never let me down again It’s clear to me and i can’t ignore That i have to give you something i couldn’t before
You don’t wanna say goodbye But you never really seem like you wanna try But i only wanted you to stay Then i let you just slip away If you didn’t listen to your heart inside Then it really doesn’t matter what was on your mind And if you need me then tell me why Girl, i never meant to say goodbye
I didn’t think that we would come to this Ooh, no Your eyes, your face, your smile is what i miss Why’d you wait so long to take me back It’s all a simple misunderstanding
You don’t wanna say goodbye But you never really seem like you wanna try (never wanna try) But i only wanted you to stay Then i let you just slip away If you didn’t listen to your heart inside Then it really doesn’t matter what was on your mind And if you need me then tell me why Girl, i never meant to say goodbye
You don’t wanna say goodbye But you never really seem like you wanna try (but i never meant to say) But i only wanted you to stay Then i let you just slip away If you didn’t listen to your heart inside (never meant to see you cry, never meant to say) Then it really doesn’t matter what was on your mind And if you need me then tell me why Girl, i never meant to say goodbye
meiping || 12:48 AM
Date :
Lets start from Saturday..
woke up around 2pm, but stayed on my bed till 4pm..
went over to baby's house around 4plus..
slacked and chilled till it was time for dinner..
baby's dad drove us to queentown's town Zhou Zhung for dinner..
it wasn't the best, but overall not bad.. =)
this time round the bill came up to another 200 plus.. treat from baby's dajie.
after dinner went ikea with baby's family...
walked around till around 10pm..
baby's dajie drove us to Liang Court. thanks!
met up with bunch of people at partyworld.
people presents were, baby, me, yanling n bf, hua, xf, milo, laoeh, kelly n bf, and not forgetting alfie! we sang from around 11pm till 530am! woots~
finish one bottle that night..
hmmm, i guess 3/4 is by me.. =p
went geylang to have breakfast before heading back to baby's house..
thanks everyone for coming! =))
thanks thanks thanks~
sunday woke up around 1pm..
slack on the bed with baby till he wakes up..
around 3pm order pizzahut and started packing his house...
we only pack the dinning area.. and it took us almost the rest of the day!
hmmm.. baby, me, dajie, dajie's bf and dajie's friend..
5 of us, and yet it still took us soooo long!
and and and, its not done yet! omg~ *faints*
so god dam messy la.. super bth already!
we threw away lots of stuffs.. but there is still alot..
=.=!!
anyway, went home around 11pm..
thats all i guess..
hmmm.. should i, or should i not get itouch? >.should i get the 8GB, 16GB or 32GB?